Misogynism – the brewing hatred and jealousy of women and the desire to harm and destroy them in every way possible:
No, the legal system isn’t biased against men – it allows them to rape with near impunity. Someone who is raped has between a 1.1 and 1.8 per cent prospect of seeing their rapist convicted.
In 2018 and 2019, District Attorney Leon Cannizzaro’s office dropped charges in about 83 per cent of misdemeanor domestic violence cases in New Orleans Municipal Court according to a city analysis. Defendants were only found guilty six percent of the time.
GLOBAL STUDY ON HOMICIDE Gender-related killing of women and girls (UNITED NATIONS OFFICE ON DRUGS AND CRIME Vienna)
Key findings A total of 87,000 women were intentionally killed in 2017. More than half of them (58 per cent) ̶ 50,000 ̶ were killed by intimate partners or family members. More than a third (30,000) of the women intentionally killed in 2017 were killed by their current or former intimate partner ̶ someone they would normally expect to trust. Based on revised data, the estimated number of women killed by intimate partners or family members in 2012 was 48,000 (47 per cent of all female homicide victims). The annual number of female deaths worldwide resulting from intimate partner/family-related homicide therefore (58 per cent in 2017) seems be on the increase.
Domestic violence kills 15 times as many people in Britain as terrorism, say campaigners who want the police to be given more money to tackle the problem. The huge disparity is highlighted in figures obtained from official sources by victims’ rights campaigners, who say the police budget for combating domestic violence must be ring-fenced, as it is for terrorism. Official figures show there were 1,870 domestic murders in England and Wales between 2000 and 2018, compared with 126 that were terrorism-related. The vast majority of domestic murder victims were women. In addition, campaigners say an estimated 400 victims of domestic violence a year take their own lives.
The secrecy the Children Act imposes on family courts, the adoption drive, and the cuts to benefits and legal aid, have silenced mothers. There were2,400 forced adoptions in 2014; and 12% more children in care since 2009. A young mother was denied support for a mild learning disability – social services favoured adoption even before the child was born. Victims of domestic violence or rape are targeted. A mother whose ex-partner was jailed for raping her lost both children – guilty of “failing to protect them”. Another, pregnant after being raped by her ex- , tried to kill herself when he got custody of the child. Another who said the father abused the child was accused of a “false allegation” – he got the child. Having lost their children, mothers are charged to see them – £45 an hour for supervised contact. Mothering is so devalued that low-income women can be treated as surrogates for wealthier couples. A mother recently lost her 15-month-old daughter – breastfeeding on demand was judged “stifling”; and the child’s relationship with the father and his same-sex partner more important to her “identity” than her relationship with her mother.
Court-appointed child guardians are often more concerned with playing god than with the child’s interest. So children are increasingly taken into care. Mothers are denied benefits and legal aid, but foster homes get over £2,200 a month per child. Now Cameron is raising the adoptions budget and wants child proceedings to be fast-tracked. Cry the little children and their mothers.*Cristel Amiss Black Women’s Rape Action Project, Selma James Global Women’s Strike, Nicola Mann Women Against Rape, Nina Lopez Legal Action for Women, Kim Sparrow Single Mothers Self-Defence
Women are trying to escape Saudi Arabia, but not all of them make it | Four Corners [41:37]
More expatriate spouses forced to leave country after divorce, some are forced to abandon and leave their children behind, even one year old babies. This method of “getting rid” of expat spouses is becoming more common, according to lawyers. When an expat moves here, his or her company sponsors the Employment Pass (EP). The employer of the expat, who is typically male. He then sponsors his wife and children as dependants on his pass, which he can ask to cancel any time. Ms Catherine Rose Yates, a British permanent resident who set up a support group for expats going through a divorce, said she has come across 11 such cases. “The spouse with the EP is legally entitled to request to cancel the DPs of his family members and, in these cases, by cancelling only the mother’s DP, he is trying to separate her from the child,” she said. “He is hoping that she would have to leave the country. That puts him in a better position in a custody battle for the children.”
The continuous push to exploit and enslave women/children are real
A law which would allow men accused of having sex with girls who are under 18 to avoid punishment if they marry their victims is set to be introduced to parliament in Turkey. The controversial so-called “marry-your-rapist” bill, which lawmakers are planning to introduce to Turkish parliament at the end of January, has sparked fury among women’s rights campaigners in the country. Critics argue the legislation, which the opposition Peoples’ Democratic Party (HDP) is urging the government to axe, not only legitimises child marriage and statutory rape but also paves the way for child abuse and sexual exploitation. A similar bill was defeated in Turkey in 2016 after national and global outrage. The legislation would have only pardoned men if they had sex without “force or threat”. United Nations agencies warned the bill would generate a landscape of impunity for child abuse and leave victims vulnerable to experiencing additional mistreatment and distress from their assailants.
When protecting your children is a crime. December 2016, after an extensive legal battle, American citizen Michelle Monasky was ordered by the U.S. courts to return her 21-month-old daughter to a foreign country and into the hands of her Italian abuser. Four years later, she’s still fighting in both Italian and American courts to regain custody of her child. In a parallel timeline, Roy Eugene Rumsey was awarded visitation rights in 2016 to spend time with his 2-year-old daughter Kyra Franchetti, despite Kyra’s mother, Jacqueline Franchetti, repeatedly warning the judge about Roy’s propensity for rage and violence. The judge told Franchetti to “grow up,” and granted Rumsey’s request. During their visit, Roy murdered Kyra, then killed himself. In July 2019, Nassau County family court Judge Joseph Lorintz defiantlyignored Justyna Zubko-Valva’s repeated warnings that her ex-husband, NYPD officer Michael Valva, was abusive and that her three young children, two of whom were autistic, were in danger in his home. School officials also reportedthe children were being abused and neglected and expressed significant concerns about Mr. Valva. Lorintz refused to take any action and allowed the children to stay with their father. On January 17, 2020, Michael Valva murdered their 8-year-old autistic son Thomas, whom he severely beat and reportedly forced to sleep in a freezing cold garage. These cases are not anomalous. An alarming number of domestic violence–child abuse and “child abduction” cases involve mothers trying to protect their children and warn the courts about the abuse—and they are blatantly ignored.And when these mothers flee their abusers, who, statistically speaking, could very likely kill them, they are often disbelieved and the children are not protected by the courts.when mothers leave with their children, sometimes in life-threatening situations, they are not only ordered to return the child and abusers are given unsupervised contact with the children—they can also be arrested and prosecuted for kidnapping.
Several aggressive and violent methods are used to destroy or control women.
Psychological abuse – “My wife is mentally unstable”
Gas-Lighting (Psychological Abuse) A Life
Wikipedia defines “gas-lighting” as “a form of psychological abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting own memory, perception and sanity.” The term’s origin is the play written by Patrick Hamilton in 1938. The subsequent 1944 film, Gaslight, starred Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer, whose character hides his wife’s jewellery, slips his own pocket watch into her purse, removes art from the walls of the house, and dims gas lights in constant attacks to systematically dismantle victim’s belief in own lucidity. [Note: The abuser pretends to be helping the victim, pretending to be the anchor of “sanity”, while manipulatively training the victim to increasingly depend on the abuser.]
Gaslight – Full Movie – GREAT QUALITY 720p (1940) [1:24:09]
Movie Comments: – I am a victim of gaslighting and this movie made me see how I lost my soul and mind in a very abusive relationship. I would also like to add that many people who know my abuser don’t believe me because he is very charming which attracted me to him. I am seeking counselling and have big time codependent issues. He is such a master manipulator! – Me too dear, we are survivors and we will thrive! It’s the most insidious and evil act to hurt someone emotionally and psychologically. – Like Bella, my husband married me for money, wanted to commit me so he’d get it all. Keeping her away from her family. The movie brings back the pain. Every child’s education ought to include red flags in relationships. Excellent movie, actors. – 20 minutes in, and I just noticed my heart rate going up and I’ve been moving my leg out of anxiousness….. The aftermath of being with a narcissist for 2 years that heavily involved gas lighting still creeps with my emotions unfortunately …
Verbal and emotional abuse
Psychology today explains the abuse as:
– Withholding information from the victim by not sharing feelings or thoughts.
– Argumentatively countering or dismissing the victim’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences on a regular basis.
– Discounting is denying or not allowing the victim his or her thoughts and feelings on a regular basis, telling the victim they are wrong.
– Abuser may say something upsetting or insulting and seeing the victim’s reaction may add, “It was just a joke!”
– Blocking and diverting is telling the victim she is talking out of turn or complaining to much which is deserving of the abuser’s anger.
– The abuser accuse and blame the victim of things outside of the victim’s control.
– The abuser criticises the victim regularly with regular phrases such as: You are never satisfied: You are always ungrateful: You are always rude, etc.
– Trivialising is where the abuser makes most things the victim does, wants or do seem insignificant, whimsical and meaningless.
– Undermining is a technique where the abuser constantly counteract or sabotage everything the victim says and does, making her question herself and her own opinions and interests.
– Threats is a common abuse technique, for example: If you don’t do as I tell you I will leave.
– Name calling can be explicit or subtle. Explicit is calling the victim a “bitch”. Subtle techniques, for example can be: “You are so spoiled,” or “You just want to fight with everyone!”
– The “forgetting” or ignoring techniques covers a range of issues from the abuser constantly forgetting appointments, forgetting which food you don’t eat to forgetting, while driving, to stop for the toilet for the victim.
– The abuser wants control and always has orders and demands for the victim.
– Denial is when an abuser always try to justify and rationalise his abusive behaviour or denies that he had behaved aggressively or abusively.
– The abuser presents unforgiving attitude, constant sullenness and abusive anger which is mostly out of context and unjustifiable.
– The abuser’s speech and/or behaviour is derogating, controlling, punishing, or manipulative.
– The abuser regularly withholds love, communication, support or money for maintaining power and control.
– Beating, shoving, cornering, forbidding food, water or shelter, etc.
Author’s note: An abuser is vindictive, cruel and do not co-operate with their victim in any way. They order, manipulate, control, criticise, lie and is extremely greedy. They enjoy seeing their victim struggle or suffer and will create oppressive situations to see this happen. “Nobody helped me” is what you will hear as their reason for this. They will ruin and destroy anyone who stands in the way of what they want. Sometimes even killing for it. They’ll utilise a person like a tool/slave in a sociopathic and barbaric manner purely for their own advancement, gratification or enjoyment. While they engage in lies, manipulation, exploitation and pretences. Even in their trash and as fakers they’ll consider themselves superior to others, because they feel they are able to control trusting people. Similar to the behaviour of a serial rapist or murderer, they search out their victim or target. Those who are not their victims are their audience. Their enablers are the like-minded people, who support whatever they do, because these understand and support hooligan behaviour. The audience gets a show of either the “nice guy”, the “I am the victim, pity me guy” or the “you will respect me without questions guy”. But the audience will almost never see the real abuser.
The abuser must be in conflict with someone, over anything they wish, to vent their anger and frustration. This permanent victim is not allowed to not be obedient, say no, or to leave. Because they will be destroyed by the abuser, or what they love the most will be taken, simply for such an act of “disobedience”.
The abuser also enlists help. As explained in this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0aOH6kw9ug&fbclid=IwAR2Q5WWNFeypJCnHhVrWHH-kkYpdt3j0f-aFpdI9ulUw5cF7-QZhgyEJnAk
Abuse By Proxy: From Smear Campaigns to 3rd-party Stalking and Abuse (5:04) Sam Vaknin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU305NqXT94 Unmasking Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Their Abuse with RUTH JACOBS in CAMBRIDGE, UK (In the Booth) (26:13)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0Rloqu4ERE&feature=youtu.be Narcissist and Incest: The Incestuous Narcissist and Psychopath (5:12)
Minimising motherhood, the role of a woman as a mother, is another target for misogynists. The Family Court do play their role as 3-party stalkers, punishers, enslavers and abusers for the aggressive domestic terrorist. The 2016 Global Slavery Index, from the Walk Free Foundation in Australia, defines slavery as “situations of exploitation that a person cannot refuse or leave because of threats, violence, coercion, abuse of power or deception”.
In the last motion, Tagle charged that Garcia “had threatened to kill her and their baby.”
The San Bernardino County Superior Court Judge Robert Lemkau chose to believe Garcia’s denials over the evidence supplied by Tagle–which included emails, text messages, and voice messages, according to the Daily Beast. Tagle says instead of helping she was treated in Family Court like a “criminal” and “complaining woman.” On the legal side, men who abuse their female intimate partners have successfully used strategies such as false accusations, harassment, manipulation, and intimidation to win custody while often driving their victims into poverty. According to contributing author and lawyer Joan Zorza. This makes it all the stranger that about half of the time batterers win custody in family courts. They are actually more likely to win custody than men who do not abuse their partners, according to Zorza. Over the past nine months, 75 children have been murdered by abusive fathers who used custody battles to get even with the mothers, according to the Daily Beast.
Sandra Grazzini-Rucki suffers 20+ years of extreme physical and emotional abuse, and cruelty, at the hands of her violent and controlling husband, David Rucki. Rucki is wealthy and well-connected, and has the protection and assistance of judges in the Minnesota court system, and all levels of state and local government, in harassing and furthering abusing his ex-wife through the legal system.
Rucki has a long history of violence, including a lengthy CPS file documenting incidents of abuse against his own children, and convictions for violent offences. Rucki has also been court ordered into anger management on several occasions.Intervention does not work with Rucki – the only thing that does change is his tactics of abuse, which continue to escalate. (Read documentation of Rucki’s violence: druckipolicereports)
In May 2011, Sandra and David Rucki agree to a divorce. Under the agreement, Rucki would receive a majority of the financial assets, and Sandra, a stay-at-home mother, would retain custody of the five children. The divorce is finalised by Judge Tim D. Wermager (a former law firm partner of David Warg. Warg is the husband of Judge Karen Asphaug, who would later preside over the Grazzini-Rucki criminal trial). After the financial terms were set in the divorce decree (less than a month later), Rucki challenges the rest of the divorce, claiming he was defrauded, and that he didn’t think the divorce was real, but rather, was just a “paper divorce”. (Read more: David Rucki Paper Divorce Scam). Rucki personally requests that Judge David L. Knutson be appointed to the divorce, and together they work to destroy Sandra and forcibly remove her from the lives of her children, whom she has not seen since 2013.
For deeper insight into this case revealing court and media behaviour, listen to. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2RBaKZ2NOk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuShBP_a7yw&fbclid=IwAR3u1U1rW2dFMP5A4-QeweoJS7ExMGGUrWtOUkCQ30HbN_dxmpkEE-Ek4hU
She lived a life of luxuries. Behind the facade were an abusive father and husband. [18:30]
Terry lived through abuse as a child in her wealthy home. She then found herself in an abusive marriage. When she tries to get out, her husband disappeared with their son. Now she is an author. Link and bio from her book are below: Videos in this series are part of an oral history of survivors of domestic abuse, with the purpose of raising awareness. More Than My Share of Pain…25 Years in an Abusive Marriage and How I Got Out – Written by Terry Maxwell http://terrymaxwellblog.wordpress.com/
The Women’s Coalition to Faces of the Crisis June 9 at 3:44 PM · Patricia USA : I suffered DV by my ex. He was court-ordered into anger management and drug rehab because he was an addict. But he was given sole custody and I have no contact. I haven’t seen my daughter for 7 years. I’ve been to court 10 times trying to get visitation. I am not allowed to see her, talk to her or send gifts. Still, I have to pay child support. They are allowing her to be abused and psychologically harming me.
Last year, by order of the High Court advised by the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass), my friend’s two high school children were taken by force in the middle of the night from the home of their mother. They were dragged out of her house screaming, put into a police van and taken to live at their father’s house. They were told their reasons for not wanting to see their father weren’t good enough and that they must have a relationship with him. Children are as much victims of the domestic abuse they see and hear. Many months on, the children write to Cafcass asking for help, describing how miserable they are, begging to be returned to the care of their Mother and demanding their ‘human rights’. They are still not being listened to. The Cafcass (Social Service UK) website says: “We put children’s needs, wishes and feelings first, making sure that children’s voices are heard at the heart of the family court setting, and that decisions are made in their best interests”
Gaslighted Out of House and Home: How $300,000 and a talent for storytelling helped a father of six children make their mother disappear. A key strategy was to paint Marre as an unfit, dangerous mother. Another was for Brenden to hide all his assets. Marre’s Williamsburg trip and the money meeting was both viewed by Brenden as acts of insubordination. He intensified his “gas-lighting” campaign upon Marre’s return, she says. He’d told her repeatedly over the years she was insane, but now he took it further: She was unfit to parent. He held private meetings in the kitchen with the oldest three children. He visited her parents to inform them she’d been having psychological problems. Before long he had rendered her a pariah in her own house. The oldest three kids began treating her coldly, glaring at her from afar. They told the younger three to lock their bedroom doors at night. One night in August of 2013, Marre was preparing to leave for a yoga class when her daughters begged her not to go. They wanted to watch a movie with her; in spite of their suspicious change in behaviour toward her, Marre relented. Midway through the movie, five Fulton county sheriff’s deputies appeared in the living room. They had come with a padded wagon for her transport to Grady Hospital’s psychiatric ward. After a distressed Marre convinced them she was not a danger to herself or anyone else, the female deputy let her ride in the squad car. After doctors at the ward found “nothing horrific” over Marre’s 24-hour stay there, they released her. She called her oldest child, who intoned, “You are dangerous,” then hung up.
The Women’s Coalition Face of the Crisis: Robbie
An hour after I presented divorce papers my husband called 911 and falsely alleged I assaulted him. I had the bloody lip, but I was the one arrested. My four girls, whom I home-schooled their entire lives, were kept away from me completely for 8 months with no contact whatsoever. There followed three years of litigation and a six week trial. He is a doctor and has money to burn. It has cost me more than a half million dollars to date. I spent my entire marriage giving up my law career and moved six times for my ex during his Navy career, two times overseas. After a 28 year marriage, I was given nothing except most of the substantial IRS tax debt. There are no words to describe the darkness of my case, the “pay to see your kids” I was forced to engage in, the lack of accountability for anything my ex did or anything the judge decided.
I was married 24 years and belonged to a fundamental christian religion where the husband was head of the household. When I insisted on a divorce to end a miserable marriage,the crafty plan went into action. It started by him insisting I go to my moms three hours away for a few days. I thought it would be good to let him calm down. When I came home all the locks were changed and I could not get in. My youngest was crying hysterically “let mom in daddy” “let mom in!” I stood pounding on the door crying hysterically in panic because I had no money and no gas to get any where. The police were called and the claim was that I threatened him and the children. I slept in my car that night. A restraining order was filed in family law court with no proof or witnesses. He was represented and I was not. I didn’t even have a change of clothes. I was staying at a hotel nearby. It was a few weeks later that it was requested by the custodial parent that I do my supervised visit across the street from the house in a park. I stupidly agreed. After the visit my then 8 year old came running up to me as I was getting ready to leave. She said that Dad told her to come and get me so that I could get some of my things. My stuff was on the driveway and being loaded into boxes. I backed my car into the driveway like an idiot thinking if I was invited then it would be okay. Almost immediately the police were there. At first they were going to let me go, but then they were told of all these crazy stories and were shown texts conversations between us. He insisted upon the police that I be arrested. It then went to criminal court and because of the “victims” accusations, the D.A. offered me 3 years probation, 3000.00 in fines, 52 weeks batterers treatment, costing 50.00 a week, 30 days in jail and a ten year restraining order that is unheard of even by Judges. Narcissist get people to pander to them and the D.A. did. I was then trapped so many times that the number of violations made me out to look like a crazy lady to mediators who barely take a glance at their huge number of cases. For example an automated request sent from Linkden to my daughter to connect, a very mild and kind letter to the elders of my church that he somehow got a hold of, and posts on fb he didn’t like- from other people! I was constantly getting calls from the police with claims that I violated the order, and I would have to prove my innocence. I now have addendum’s added that consists of : Not being able to attend a church he no longer attends, but I did for 25 years. Not being able to communicate to any of the Elders at this church or his church consisting of over 25 that travel from congregation to congregation, Then of course the school, home, office, former employees of his, current employees of his, former clients, current clients, and my children. To even mention his name or my children’s’ names could land me in jail. I have had supervised visits for three years. I have been forced to move to avoid entrapment. I have suffered relentless prosecution most of which the Judge throws out. I had no criminal background, drug use ever, alcoholism or abusive behaviour. The police were never called to our home except by me, because he was abusing me! I lost custody because of an order violating my human rights that never should have been approved by a Judge. The narcissist in this case knew what flaws existed in the Family Law system and the flawed “knee jerk reaction” of the creation of restraining order laws that were enforced in order to protect-not harm. Now three girls have lost a mother. I have been sentenced to a life of heart ache that never goes away, and suffer from severe PTSD. The Judge gave me nothing out of 24 years- from 20 to 44. The best years of a woman’s life. Something has to change.
In June of this year a Ventura County, California judge ruled that Ethan would be given over completely to his father, and that there would be no guaranteed visitation with his mother or therapy. He said that in the two years he lived with his father, the boy’s relationship with Aberg had deteriorated to such an extent that a therapy course was ‘doomed to failure’. But Aberg, who filed the appeal on August 24, says that her ex-husband turned their son against her. They had shared the boy’s time in a 50-50 agreement until January 2015, when she was told in a legal letter that he wanted to give her just one weekend a month in winter and two in summer, she said. The alternative, the letter said, was to go to court. The following month – amid claims from Anka that his ex-wife was ‘mentally ill’ she lost physical custody of her son at the suggestion of a mediator, the Daily News reported. ‘The false allegations started pouring in one after the other,’ Aberg added. ‘The court never found me guilty of any of them, and still I lost custody of my son.’
Just months before, she said, she lost custody of her now-14-year-old daughter from another marriage after she was ‘almost arrested’ on Mother’s Day based on a ‘false allegation’ that she scalded the girl. ‘A court order at this time requiring that [Ethan] spend time with his mother, who he presently despises, risks trying to put a round peg into a square hole,’ the judge wrote in April. ‘At some point, Ethan’s stated preference to live with his father may be in his best interest, however objectionable that is to [Aberg].’ Two months later the judge ruled in favour of Paul. Paul Anka gained full custody of his son Ethan, 11, in June after a long court case. Mom Anna Aberg is outraged, saying he decides whether she gets to see her boy. She said the decision to give him full control was ‘illegal’ and ‘unconstitutional’. It came after court-mandated attempts at family therapy fell through. Ethan ‘despises’ his mother, the judge said just before making the ruling. Aberg says Anka, his father, poisoned the boy’s mind and made false allegations about her.
My name is Roisin Cassidy. I was a custodial mother of my two children for 15 years, currently aged 15 and 11. I’ve always been a devoted mother, and all I have ever wanted to do was to co parent my children. Nonetheless, their wealthy abusive father asked for sole custody and was successful, by means of a custody report that I believe to be inaccurate and biased, conducted by Dr. Ken B. Perlmutter. This report was signed into a court order by Judge Raymond Swope, San Mateo. I was not permitted to present my evidence in court. This is not a case of substance abuse, mental illness or parental deficiencies. After leaving an abusive marriage, my children and I were subjected to years of expensive litigation and harassment, as well as two custody evaluations by Ken Perlmutter PhD, Palo Alto. These custody evaluations, requested by their father, placed me and the children under a microscope for years to the point where I had to account for every decision I made no matter how small and for each and every incident that occurred in our daily lives no matter how trivial. If I was five minutes late for a doctor’s appointment, I had to explain why in detail.
In his custody report Dr. Perlmutter made many untrue and outrageous statements and conclusions. One example is Dr. Perlmutter stated numerous times in his report that I suffer from intellectual deficits, even though he had no scientific evidence to support this and despite the fact that my IQ has measured at 128. Dr. Perlmutter even went so far as to tell my children in front of me that me their mother suffers from an intellectual deficit and that they would be better off being raised by their father Stephen Tyrrell and his partner Diane Smith Jordan. I was forced by court order to sit in silence while Perlmutter degraded me to my children. Dr. Perlmutter gloated and yelled at me while I had tears streaming down my face during his interrogations. The fact one of my complaints against the father to Perlmutter was that he often referred to me as retarded in front of our children was completely ignored and seen as appropriate parenting by Dr. Perlmutter.
Recently, after five years of expensive litigation all instigated by the father Stephen Tyrrell, I simply ran out of money and could not continue to defend myself from the constant untrue accusations from this father and his legal team. My children and I had less than 48 hours to say good-bye, and they were uprooted from their Bay Area home and moved out of state. I have not seen my children since, and have only had limited sporadic phone contact. I was fined over $50,000 in court costs, I was accused of having a frivolous defence even though my evidence was not permitted by the court. Parents often lose their children to the parents who abused them, and mistreated them by means of legal and financial abuse.
A North Carolina mom started serving a week-long jail sentence for having her daughter baptised, according to reports. The 2016 baptism at St. Peter’s Catholic Church when the girl was 2 years old defied a judge’s order in a custody battle between unmarried couple, Kendra Stocks and Paul Schaaf, who are no longer together. Stocks, 36, of Charlotte, was ordered to serve seven days in the county jail after a judge held her in criminal contempt. She began serving the sentence Friday, WSOC-TV reported. The station quoted court records as saying Schaaf was a practicing Catholic who attended Mass every week and that the court had issued a ruling that gave him final say in all legal custody decisions, including decisions concerning religion.
The day after that ruling, Stocks went ahead with the christening without notifying Schaff. He found out when Stock posted photos of the ceremony on Facebook, according to the station. Schaff’s attorney told the Charlotte Observer that Stocks was being punished, not for baptising the girl, but for ignoring a judge. “For our system to work, there ought to be consequences for wilfully and intentionally violating a court order,” the attorney, Jonathan Feit, told the paper. “I teach my children that. I reject the notion that anybody else is responsible for what is happening besides Ms. Stocks herself.” “I’m scared,” Stocks told The Charlotte Observer. “I’m sad about what has happened. I don’t regret having her baptised. That was in her best interest … I don’t see how this is in the best interest of the family. Her father is sending her mother to jail.”
I am a foreign national, falsely imprisoned for crime I didn’t commit, tortured by prison staff, separated from my child who was ‘stolen’ by a Local Authority under the over dramatisation of supposed ‘neglect’. This ‘neglect’ was the fact I refused my then 2 1/2 year old child to take him to a speech therapist because my child refused to speak to strangers or in sentences when he did. When I tried to point out that every child developed at different rates, I was told I had ‘mental’ problems. When in fact I was doing what was in the ‘best interest of the child’. Now I am facing being deported whilst my now 5 y.o. child is left in ‘care’ in the UK knowing nothing about me or my whereabouts. My Son was ‘stolen’ in Spain and watched as his mother was battered by the police. Then picked up by strangers from a London local authority and taken to a ‘foster carers’ home at 3am in the morning. Please bear in mind the child was 4 years old and more than likely asleep when he was dropped off and has never seen his mother since. This was Dec. 2011. The very ‘system’ that is supposed to protect my child is destroying him. i don’t get anything from Social Services, basically I am treated like a surrogate parent with no thought or feelings. They refuse point blank to answer my questions or anyone else for that matter.
Chantal Lepine In 2012, my children’s father tried to kill us and bury us in the backyard in our acreage. He traumatised my 17 month old so badly she was literally a vegetable and lost all her developmental skills. It would be three years before she started talking again. He also gave our 4 week old baby a head injury and he was in the Children’s Stollary for 8 days. My daughter suffers from PTSD to this day and struggles to do everything. There was an EPO in effect for two years and he didn’t exercise his supervised visits. Haven’t heard from him ever since. Last year he crawled out from whatever rock he’s been hiding under and claimed parental alienation. They took my children and handed them to him. He was granted day to day care in the Court of Queens Bench on Nov 22nd. The TGO with CFS expired on the 27th. How conveniently timed, eh? My children come for visits with injuries that they are forced to lie to me about or they get in trouble for telling me. I have only seen my children twice since the order was granted. I have had Sunday visits since this all started, they didn’t show up today. Chantal Lepine shared a post. December 25, 2018 at 7:34 PM · I have not been alone in a room with my children since.. They are completely broken and now medicated. Despite a court order outlining my access he completely disregards it. On our last visit in October, the children disclosed that “Dad was taking them to the place where children get bought! They were being adopted away from Mommy!” The visit supervisor reported this and I was kept from my children for over 2 months. I have paid $2400 a month to see my children for the last 14 months.
I fight because my back was broken with several herniated discs in my neck and a lot of soft tissue damage, I was missing a quarter of my face from rug burn from the same incident… This was all by my ex husband who then gained custody by paying people to lie on the stand, tell the courts that I was “faking” my spinal injuries and in the next breath telling the court I could not care for the children due to my injuries… I went up against a corrupt judge who proceeded to throw me in jail 7 times for contempt of court because I could not afford to pay my ex who disabled me 1,300.00 dollars a month in child support despite my disability being only a little over $700.00 a month, I was jailed for smoking a cigarette, the judge told me to violate ATF laws and sell a cigarette if someone were to give me one. I have spent more then 3 months in jail, more then many convicted of crimes….Another 60 days in jail for keeping my son for his own safety when Child Protective Services told me to keep him or I could be charged with failure to protect… The judge stopped CPS investigations and also acted as my ex husbands personal attorney when he did not have one in court…. I fight because my children have been abused to the point that they are no longer comfortable with speaking of the abuse because every time someone has tried to help him the judge stopped them…. I fight because my children are not the only ones being abused by corrupt courts and abusive parents…. I fight because my son rather then living in abuse was pushed to suicide and despite mental health issues was given access to illegal drugs, alcohol, and an arsenal of guns including 2 glocks and a semi automatic in the care of my abuser and his family… He successfully committed suicide 4 years ago this month… There is so much more but it would take up the entire page to state it all!!!! I fight because some Protective Moms are unable to due to PTSD or other issues including fear of retaliation….
Going through family court system in Victoria for the last two years supporting my daughter , who at the hands of the children’s father was placed in an 18 day coma in which her son was delivered at 29 weeks . Only to wake up from coma to find father had applied & succeeded to get “temporary custody of two young boys aged 2& newborn . Upon looking up details on judge overseeing case only got her job in the family federal court because her husband was a politician. Two years of hell . ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED IN FAMILY COURT SYSTEM !
‘My husband abused me for ten years – and HE won custody of our children’Three days after she fled with her two children, Emma received a phone call from her solicitor advising her that her abuser had been granted, a prohibited steps order stating that Emma was mentally unstable, a danger to her children and a drug addict. “At the time I was living in my parents’ spare room, after only just fleeing. He was accusing me of being a drug addict, a prostitute. I was completely broken down and he knew that. I had nothing left to fight with,” said Emma. “When I made the decision to flee, I was told by countless institutions, the police told me to flee, women’s aid told me to flee and they all told me that I wouldn’t lose my children, but I did. “Perhaps an elegant way to put it might be that my children have paid for my safety and my freedom.”
In court, Emma was told that her decade long ordeal of abuse was not relevant to the case and was congratulated by a CAFCASS case worker for taking the brunt of the abuse before she made the recommendation that the children should live with their father.Emma’s diagnosis of PTSD following the abuse was also used against her in court. She was forced to take part in rigorous drugs testing in order to disprove the accusations made by her abuser. “The court accepted that he had abused me, but because he had never abused the children they deemed it safe for them to stay with him. Data obtained from 43 police forces across England and Wales revealed that 173 people were killed in domestic violence-related homicides last year, an increased of 32 deaths on 2017. Around three-quarters of people killed by a partner, ex-partner or family member were female and the suspects were majority male.
IN UNDER A FORTNIGHT, SEVEN WOMEN HAVE DIED AT THE HANDS OF PEOPLE KNOWN TO THEM In just over a week, six people have been charged with the deaths of seven women who were allegedly known to them. In Australia one in six women and one in 16 men will experience physical domestic or family violence (DFV) and it is estimated to cost the economy $22 billion a year.
Carmen Blandin Tarleton, 51, was burned over 80% of her body in 2007 when her estranged husband doused her body with lye after beating her with a baseball bat. Six years ago, she received a face transplant at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, where she’s being evaluated for a possible second transplant.
https://www.coralanikatheill.com/single-post/2017/03/10/The-Day-I-was-No-Longer-Allowed-to-be-a-Mother-A-Protective-Mother-Hats?fbclid=IwAR2h7GetvbCXZN7EcFHwtMxayaf4w5__3wjY6YHCGmCR6Ei_u8LB4oD2r_w March 11, 2017 Coral Anika Theill – MATERNAL ALIENATION FACT SHEET
For the past 21 years I have honored my survival of the abrupt removal of my young children and baby by purchasing a hat on the day I was no longer “allowed” to be a mother. There is no healing from this type of deep psychic wound. Maternal Deprivation is a Human Rights Issue.
On March 10, 1996, I was forced, by an Order of the Court, and by my ex-husband, Marty Warner, his attorney, his family and religious supporters, to do something that raged against my good conscience, my common sense and against all my motherly instincts. After a temporary custody hearing, a Court Order signed by Judge Albin Norblad forcibly removed my nursing baby and two youngest children from me. I obeyed the Court Order and gave my children over to my ex-husband. I drove to the hospital, rented a breast-pump and later collapsed and went into shock. I could not understand what had happened and why. I have not yet recovered from the shock; perhaps I never will….When I sought safety for my children and myself in January 1996, the Court allowed me to live in hiding with my young children prior to the court hearings, due to the testimony and affidavits of numerous witnesses. I retained an attorney and reported the crimes that had been committed against my children and me. I eventually lost all contact with my eight children. Numerous Christian pastors, church members, Christian school teachers, and my own children and in-laws, have supported my abusive ex-husband, Mr. Marty Warner, Independence, Oregon, personally and/or in the courtroom since 1995 – 2017, [approximately 45 court related hearings to date] condoning the crimes of domestic violence, kidnapping, rape, child abuse/molestation, and cult and ritual abuse. They have assisted my ex-husband in brainwashing my children to hate me. In 2003, I ended up homeless due to the ongoing court abuse.
Face of the Crisis: Andrea. I have not seen my 5 children in almost 2 years. We moved to Singapore from the U.S. for my ex’s job. After we separated my kids and I were homeless for a year because he refused to follow the court order to pay for our housing. In order to get out of paying child support, he got me deported by refusing to support my dependency visa. I was forced to leave Singapore without my children. A U.S. federal court judge ordered him to support my visa so I could return, saying the children had been living with me and that my presence in their lives is vital to their well-being. This was ignored. My kids have been back in the States on vacation, but my ex has not allowed me to see them. I am asking Singapore Family Court to relocate my children back to the U.S. so we can be together again. I am still fighting hard for my children even though my ex has devastated me financially.
You often hear stories from women stating that their abusers attempted to maintain control by threatening them with their children. Some of those stories may seem far-fetched to those of you who have not lived that reality. Let me share my truth. My ex, Kent Smith, is President of Langston University, which has been key in his having certain connections to wield influence. He threatened to take my children if I ever went public about domestic abuse and immediately launched a smear campaign attacking my mental state. The months that ensued were a nightmare. I filed complaints with the Board of Regents and made them aware that LUPD was being used to harass and stalk me. He’s filed so many court actions against me it’s hard to keep track. – July 2014 protective order alleging he feels threatened due to my mental state – December 2015 protective order filed alleging he fears for his safety due to the publication of my book – February 2016 filed defamation lawsuit regarding the publication of my book. – May 2016 I opted to have a JURY TRIAL out of frustration for so many contempt motions being filed in connection with my book. This is RARE but I felt it was necessary. Jury verdict- not guilty
The list goes on. And the University has supported his actions- because to do otherwise would be an admission that they failed to address corruption when it was first identified. I wrote a book about my experiences. I empowered other survivors through my filmmaking platform and other endeavors all while dealing with retaliatory efforts by my ex. Now, in the past week he has claimed I abused my children. Police have been sent to my home for child welfare checks; DHS has gotten involved… the cycle is continuous and as a result I have not seen my children in over a week. I am sharing my story because THIS IS REAL LIFE. Any time you doubt someone’s experiences with abuse, assault, etc. you are diminishing their voice and helping the abuser to continue to perpetuate the abuse, control and manipulation. For that reason, I will always share my truth and support survivors.
My ex husband and I took our twins in Mexico in 2011, they were 11, I ended up in Canada to retrieve my older son who was 15. We had just relocated for a 1 year period… my ex husband sent me back to Canada in July of 2011 to get my son who refused to go to Mexico – his step son. While all this was happening my ex husband was losing his mind in Mexico with our twins and I was stuck here with my older son who lost his mind. My oldest son went to jail and my ex husband took our twins and moved from the only address I had. He also quit his job and got a new one. I went to the consulate and fought under The Hague convention since we had no custody order. It was a heart breaking mess and my ex told my twins I had abandoned them and that’s why I came home to their brother. My ex husband was abusive to me sexually, mentally, emotionally and physically. He was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive with my sons. In 2013 my oldest son was 18 and disclosed sexual abuse by my ex husband, 7 months later a friends daughter now 18 also disclosed. I subsequently lost my life as it seems. I was stuck supporting my son, during a 4 year trial, 3 of those years also fighting for my twins in family court. Because my ex mother-in-law is in the Witness Relocation Program, no joke, so I have no access to my now 17 year old twin sons. I don’t know how I have survived this with no therapy, but I have – plus some!
I fought for 3 years in Sunridge, 2 times a month to see my kids. I finally gave up in my 3rd year, because the trial was wiping me out mentally and physically. My ex husband returned to Canada was convicted on 10 charges in 2015 and sentenced to 8 years. He was on bail the whole time until March 2017, when his appeal was dismissed unanimously and he began his sentence. Victims compensation offered me an apology for costing me my children, since no family/youth court judge would make a decision until the trial was done. It just ended this year… I haven’t seen much of my twins since there return to Canada even with all the time in family court, no one obeyed the court order but me and the alienation damages went further. Both of my children blocked me on Facebook. I have been unable to see them at their home. But one of my sons unblocked me last month. I have been sending simple I love you messages, but he doesn’t respond. This morning when I got up my other twin messaged me telling me to go away. He then shared my profile pic on his wall and told me to leave them alone. Also that they know how to contact me. What can I say to him? I don’t know what they know?
A 4-year-old boy at the centre of a tug-of-war between the families of his murdered mother and his father. His father sits in jail accused of the slaying of his mother and he will have to live with the guardian his father chose in two weeks, a Broward judge ruled Thursday. The boy has been with a foster family since Enrique Macotela’s arrest on a murder charge in the death of his girlfriend Magdalena Weich, with whom he had lived. Broward Judge Stacey Schulman ruled April 22 that Macotela, the accused murderer of the child’s mother, had the right to choose a new guardian. Macotela picked his sister in New Jersey to adopt the boy, outraging Weich’s family, who, at the hands of this man lost a daughter and are now loosing their grandson.
Leaving their young children behind with relatives, Cathy Clayson and Paul Martin took a trip to an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica together in December, 2010, even though their fraught marriage was all but over. Mr. Martin had insisted on travelling to Jamaica and on renting a car despite her concerns about the country’s safety. And he insisted on driving to a remote spot east of their resort to take pictures just three hours before their flight was due to leave. He went into the back seat, where his camera was she, “felt a sting on her neck.” She turned around. “I saw his face, with him holding a knife up,” she said, before he attacked her again, cutting her thumb. She left the car and ran, she told court, but he caught her and carried her back to the car. “He puts me in a choke hold and he starts strangling me, adding that she remembers urinating on him in the struggle. He put her in the passenger seat and started to drive. She pleaded with him to take her to a hospital, even offering to lie and say she was attacked by a Jamaican robber. After they returned to a main highway, she honked the horn and grabbed the steering wheel, she eventually jumped from the car. Her husband drove off, and a passing cab driver took her to hospital. At times, Mr. Martin, who came to court in a dark suit and brought a trolley full of his legal documents, stood to interrupt her account, telling the judge in a soft-spoken voice that he was having trouble hearing or taking notes quickly enough.
An Ontario Superior Court judge says he cannot determine whether an Oshawa-area schoolteacher slashed his wife’s throat while on vacation in Jamaica in 2010, or whether she attacked him first and ended up injured. (Mr Martin had no injuries.) In a Court decision dated Dec. 30, Justice Roger Timms rules that as a result (of him slitting his wife’s throat), Paul Martin, 47, should get equal and unsupervised access to the couple’s two children, aged 9 and 6.
On the morning of July 19, 2016, their mother and sister were returning to their blue Toyota, having enjoyed a pre-work swim, when a man stepped out from behind the car and aimed at them with a single-barrel shotgun. Claire Hart, 50, raised a pleading arm towards him. The man was Lance Hart, her husband of 26 years who she had walked out on days earlier, after years of emotional abuse. Ignoring her protestations, Lance, 57, fired three shots, killing his wife and daughter before turning the gun on himself. A pool attendant, hearing the bangs, ran out in time to catch 19-year-old Charlotte Hart’s final words: “It was my Dad who shot me.” She died on the tarmac next to the bodies of her mother and father. “We always knew our father was a bad person, but it was in an invisible way,” says Luke. “We were controlled and repressed – but thought we were safe physically.”
All are tell-tale signs of coercive and controlling behaviour. “We saw a number of characteristics on a poster, like the rigid and arbitrary enforcement of rules, financial control, turning up at your place of work and stealing phone records,” explains Luke. “It was the perfect description of what we had been living under for our entire lives.” To those who knew them, the Harts were a wholesome family. They had a large house, often travelled in a pack of five and seemed to adore one another. The boys were diligent A* students. Charlotte was a keen horse rider and planned to become a teacher. Claire, who worked at Morrisons, was her best friend. But behind closed doors, the family was under Lance’s nightmarish control. “If you see a kid who never breaks a rule that’s weird,” says Luke. “If you see a family that’s never apart, that’s not normal. There’s something wrong. “All these things that, on the outside, seem to show cohesion were actually coercion.” Lance, a builder’s merchant, had a volatile temper. He was never violent, but could inflict upon Claire – the main target of his abuse – agonising pain, by triggering a nerve associated with her multiple sclerosis. When he broke a plate, he would spend hours cursing and blaming his family. He drove recklessly – going 70 mph in a 30 mph zone – to scare them. “Our lives meant nothing to him,” says Ryan. On one occasion, when Luke was a toddler, Lance almost killed him – something he didn’t find out until after the funeral. “My father knew I had a peanut allergy, but fed me peanut butter to demonstrate control over my mother,” he says. Another marker of emotional abuse was Lance’s strict financial control. Charlotte used to enjoy taking the dogs to agility training, but Lance badgered her about the £10 weekly fee until she stopped. Meanwhile, he spent thousands of pounds on building an extension to make the family appear wealthy. “I used to look at others and think, ‘How does everyone do life, it’s so hard’,” says Luke. “Our father created a world where we could only live secretly. It was like an ever-constricting prison, until the point that you’re crushed.” When they went to university (Luke to Warwick and Ryan to Durham, both to study engineering) the brothers returned home every weekend to check on their Mum and sister.
Lance charged the brothers a nightly fee, in an attempt to stop them from saving enough money to liberate Charlotte and Claire. “It was more expensive to go home than to stay in a hotel,” Ryan recalls. When he was promoted at work, his fee went up. Later, Lance demanded he pay £10,000 to upgrade the garage, where he kept a motorbike. Every so often, one of the brothers stood up to their father – but they always lived to regret it. Withholding his reaction at the time, Lance would mete out cruel punishments later. “He would feed the dogs food he knew to be poisonous,” says Ryan. “We knew the more we challenged him the more he would do it.” It was four days after the brothers were finally able to move Charlotte and their Mum out of the family home, and into a rented flat nearby, that Lance murdered them. “We hadn’t understood the danger, because there hadn’t been any violence,” says Luke. “We didn’t realise most people are killed after leaving.” They now know that, on average, two women in England and Wales are killed each week at the hands of a partner or ex. Sharing their experience has helped saved lives, they say. Their story encouraged one woman to leave her husband who, police later discovered, had been plotting to kill her. “I love to think we’re ruining the lives of these really narcissistic, horrible men who are controlling their families,” says Luke.
In 1995, Kelly’s abusive husband killed her son Justin after she put her children to sleep and left the house to run errands in preparation to leave him with her children the next day. Her ex-husband has since confessed his responsibility for Justin’s death. Kelly’s trial and conviction rested on the prosecution exploiting myths and misconceptions of survivors of abuse. Even Kelly’s own defence attorney told the jury that she was negligent for not leaving her abusive husband, a damaging and inaccurate argument that hurt her case. Kelly’s history of abuse began when she was less than four years old. She sustained a lifetime of rapes, beatings and other abuse by a succession of family members, acquaintances and two husbands, including the husband who killed Justin. Kelly was not present for her son’s killing, but the DA blamed her for not escaping and saving her children sooner, ignoring the very real and documented dangers associated with attempting to leave an abusive partner. The DA also exploited Kelly’s history of abuse to suggest that she didn’t run because she enjoyed the beatings, and sacrificed her son to “please” her abusive husband. Kelly was then convicted of first-degree murder for “aiding and abetting” her abusive husband, and sentenced to Life Without Possibility of Parole.
An Orthodox Jewish mother of six who was barred from speaking with her own children because she insisted on raising them in a religious home has been thrown in jail because she lacked the financial means to reimburse her wealthy ex-husband $10,000 in court costs as order by an Ohio judge. Julie Goffstein and her husband Peter had been raising their boys as members of the Chabad community in Cincinnati when Peter Goffstein decided that he no longer wanted to live a religious lifestyle. Given an ultimatum of choosing between her religion and her marriage, Julie chose to continue living her life as a Jew and the Goffstein’s bitter divorce began to unfold in 2010. After hearing the testimony of 11 character witnesses and two court ordered evaluations, Judge Jon Sieve of the Hamilton County, Ohio Court of Common Pleas awarded full custody of all of the Goffstein children to their mother, specifically noting the importance of continuity for the boys who had been raised in an Orthodox home. Nine months later, Peter filed for a reallocation of custody and within weeks Judge Sieve had reversed his decision, awarding Peter full custody of the four younger children, observing that Julie’s insistence on sending the children to yeshiva was not in their best interest. While Judge Sieve’s ruling allowed the children to remain in yeshiva, Julie was held responsible for paying their tuition, with Peter given the authority to make all of the children’s educational decisions. Over time, the situation continued to deteriorate, with Peter filing multiple lawsuits against his former wife and Julie moved with the two older boys to Crown Heights where they continued in yeshiva, while the four younger boys were sent to public school against their will by their father. As the court battles continued, Peter Goffstein continued to keep the younger children shielded from both their mother and their Jewish heritage, allegedly chopping off one child’s payos, removing the boys’ yarmulkas and making them eat pork. Friends of Julie’s also reported that he smeared urine on one child’s face as a punishment for a religious observance and that Peter repeatedly bullied anyone who supported Julie’s mission of raising her sons in an observant home. Eventually the court forbade Julie from discussing any religious matters with her sons, and she was found in contempt of court for telling one son of her efforts to get him back into yeshiva.
While Peter is extremely wealthy, Julie’s financial situation is very bleak, having been stripped of all marital assets by Judge Sieve. His latest decision, holding Julie in contempt of court for being unable to reimburse her ex-husbands court costs and sending her to jail, seems to be the latest obstacle thrown at Julie simply because she has chosen to raise her sons as practicing members of the Jewish faith. Julie’s sons, ranging in age from nine to eighteen are living a life of turmoil, with the younger boys facing their father’s reported harassment and the two older boys now living alone in Crown Heights because of Julie’s imprisonment.
Seven years ago, Paula English told police that her husband had destroyed her cellphone, nailed her bedroom door and windows shut with her inside, and driven her to a secluded area and swung at her with a hammer. He was charged and pleaded guilty to abducting her. They divorced. But English made more money than her ex, and to her shock, he asked for spousal support. She’s still forced to send him a check every month.
If her husband had killed her that night, he couldn’t have inherited her money under Virginia law. But because she survived — he put the hammer down without bashing her head — there was no law stopping him from filing for alimony. Her attorney quickly settled with his, because going before a judge would have been a gamble for English — the court could have made her to pay a higher amount. Under the settlement, English was ordered to pay the man she thought was going to murder her $1,000 a month. When she found out, “I couldn’t speak for the longest time,” English said. She walked out of the courthouse, got into her car, and screamed.
Divorce law varies from state to state, and there are no federal guidelines on how domestic violence should affect a settlement. Mostly these battles play out in private, but occasionally, a sensational story forces the issue into the public eye. It happened in 2011, after California financial adviser Crystal Harris was ordered to pay spousal support to the estranged husband awaiting trial for sexually assaulting her, and when she was ordered after his conviction to pay his legal fees for the divorce. It happened in 2000, when New York investment executive Theresa Havell was ordered to pay $215,000 to the defence attorneys for her ex-husband, who pleaded guilty to assault after he beat her with a steel barbell and told one of their daughters, “I’ve killed Mom.” It happened in 1995, after Barbara Bentley’s attorney said she’d have to negotiate a settlement favourable to the former spouse convicted of trying to kill her in 1991.
These women reported their husbands to the police and left them. And while they saw during criminal proceedings that a husband could be held accountable for violence against his wife, they saw something different in family court. They found out that when they’d said “I do,” they had agreed to financially support their husbands, even if their husbands raped them, beat them up, or tried to kill them.
As America focuses on children of illegal immigrants being separated from their parents, communities across the country are focusing on the lawyers, judges and CPS workers using the courts to take children from parents and grandparents everyday.Turns out that at the heart of the issue is a core group of lawyers, many who are regularly appointed by the court to act for the children, and most whom make ungodly amounts of money in fees, paid both from public and private funds. These fees appear in supervised visitation orders, custody expert reports and minor’s counsel appointments, the greatest kickback sham leading a path to the underground economy where lawyers and judges are pimping out custody and support orders in communities across the country. The Public has been asleep, and naive, when it comes to what is happening to children in America’s family courts. Parents are being jailed when they are unable to pay support, while other parents are bring given a free pass to play keep away in the custody games if represented by the right lawyer. Most people have no idea that parents are being ordered to pay to see their own children. These payments can be up to $150 an hour to see their own children, as courts have few resources to get families back together. The incentive is for lawyers and judges to make money and increase their power by keeping kids in the system, and parents fighting to see their own kids. Most alarming is that for the past decade, children have been ordered by judges to go to reunification camps. These are private businesses and for profit entities that lock kids away in hotel rooms, or private properties where they are deprived of food, water, and sleep until they agree to give up their relationship with one parent, usually the one who has no money to hire a lawyer during a divorce of custody case. Look to the lawyers using these camps as a modern form of child abuse. Meanwhile, parents who have money can dodge support obligations, conceal domestic violence and get out of violating court orders with ease. It is rigged and the media refuses to report what is going on in communities across America.
The problem is being funded with public money, and few reporters are willing to follow the money in local communities as all are being assigned to only look at Trump. The media’s war on Trump has directed public attention away from community transparency, so social media, rapid response protests and voter populations are taking to cleaning up local governments and family courts to protect kids at a local level. An audit of five California counties shows that a few lawyers , known as the ” in crowd ” , can dominate family law cases where children are used like pawns for divorce profiteers. These lawyers are regularly appointed as minor’s counsel, referees and special masters, usually after working as pro tem judges to assist incompetent judges. This modern pattern and practice as slowly crept into local courts to create a toxic culture. Protests over guns, immigrants and issues impacting women are finally putting family courts on the public radar. Silicon Valley’s Judge Aaron Persky is an example of public outrage over America’s courts.
TRUE STORY: A former lawyer reflects on her personal experience of New Zealand’s Family Court after she and her children left her abusive ex-husband. Read on to find out what her actual experience was and why she thinks the current planned review of the Family Court is not enough to create a fairer Family Court system. I finished law school in Aotearoa with a belief in the integrity of the law and Westminster system of government. For the most part I had the privilege of working with legal counsel who were smart, kind, real and committed – the type of people you would leave your kids with. As a court dealing with our citizens at their most vulnerable, I imagined The Family Court would be similar to what I already knew. I expected The Family Court would be a place where fundamental legal principles and citizens’ rights would be upheld. I imagined that the safety and care of children would be of paramount importance and that judicial ‘impartiality’ would be observed at all times. I expected the system would work so that the truth would prevail and my young children (citizens in their own right) would be protected. But instead, I encountered legal representation that was ignorant, sloppy and incompetent. I changed lawyers (thinking every profession has its bad apples) only to encounter further ignorance, arrogance, ethnocentrism and breaches of legal professional duties. My ex-husband’s counsel had one directive – to ‘win’ by any means. They seemed to have long forgotten their fundamental legal obligations and possessed no care or comprehension of the impact that their conduct and litigation tactics had on the lives and well being of children. The lawyer representing my children was no better. Her ignorance was quickly apparent and (by her own admission) she was ill equipped to talk with children – let alone trauma-affected children. Her report lacked authenticity and failed to echo my children’s voices. It was instead the product of her own ignorance, prejudice, and failures in her professional duties to her client. It was apparent her legal firm had a single formula for children’s care arrangements and they were determined to enforce this whatever the circumstances. Most adults would have sacked the lawyer for child, but that is not a realistic option for children in the Family Court system. In this system children are voiceless and powerless. I witnessed the Judge’s puzzling reluctance to make decisions as if he were trying to evade his judicial responsibility. It is the role of counsel to provide all relevant information to the court so that it can make a fully informed and just decision. But this Judge announced he had not even read the evidence. He then applied a safety test from repealed legislation and attempted to squeeze his inadequate analysis into the current legislative framework. Whilst that can be helpful at times in this case, he was purposefully aiming to minimise the abuse so the case could be closed. It became apparent that the concept ‘interests of the child’ had no real meaning to the judge and the lawyers purporting to give effect to it. Instead, the ‘child’ was not honoured as a real, individual child or actual living young person with equal human rights, but was a detached concept. The process was factory-like. I have since learned I am just one of many people to experience the horror of the Family Court. My children and I are left exposed to my ex husband’s ongoing abuse. Instead of being treated as citizens with equal human rights who should be protected by the State and its laws; my children and I have been further exposed to more risk and danger. I have faced great hardship to leave the relationship but did so to break the cycle of abuse. Now the Family Court has locked us in to yet more ongoing abuse and rubber stamped it.
HE CHOSE TO VIOLENTLY ASSAULT ME, YET I AM THE ONE WHO ULTIMATELY IS PAYING THE PRICE. WHEN WILL NZ TAKE A STAND AND STOP VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN? I had a partner who I found out was cheating on me. He was drunk when I asked him about it and he punched me in the head so many times that I lost count. I was naked and frightened, and he was drunk, out-of-control and on top of me. This was not a fight, this was an attack. He said it was my fault he cheated. He said I was too hard to live with. He said I made everything difficult for him and so he had no choice but to cheat. And he told me all of this while he punched me repeatedly in my head. Now I am facing an extremely long recovery from a very serious brain injury.
— DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR WHO HAS BEEN FAILED BY THE SYSTEM
I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I rang the police, he was arrested and six months later the Criminal Court granted him a Discharge without Conviction. I got a Protection and Parenting Order and within five months the Family Court ordered him un-supervised access to our very young children. It’s two and a half years later and I am still recovering and he is back to living his normal life, working and in a relationship. He’s seeing the kids every second weekend. He is still drinking alcohol; all of the signs of his cyclical abusive behaviour are still there and yet he has been totally let off the hook. It’s like the abuse never happened. It was just treated as normal by the Family Court. Maybe this is an indication of the size of our domestic violence problem in New Zealand – abuse is seen as normal in divorce? Yet I am still damaged on so many levels. Physically by this brain injury, financially by my inability to work, raising two kids and having to pay lawyer’s bills, emotionally from the trauma of the violence and psychologically from the trauma of the long term abuse.
Battered wife’s agony as her wealthy businessman husband – who beat her to a pulp, rubbed used nappy in her face and threatened her with a deep fat fryer – AVOIDS jail •Lindsay Cowell, 38, met her husband John, 39, in 2010 and pair married in 2015 •Relationship turned toxic and abusive, with Mr Cowell said to be controlling •She claimed Mr Cowell launched a campaign of sustained abuse on her •Yet Mr Cowell walked free from court after he was given a suspended sentence. ‘For me the controlling behaviour was the worst thing, not being allowed to go out and do anything. ‘Sometimes the emotional side of it is more hurtful than the violence. ‘One minute he was loving, the next he was screaming and shouting.’
Andrea Kelly Details Allegations Of Abuse By Ex-Husband R. Kelly | The View (9:30)
Today, we need to focus on three-year-old Zoey Pereira. Her mother, Cherone Coleman. tried to protect her by seeking a protective order to save her from an abusive father who had threatened to kill Zoey. But the judge works in a system that tends to disbelieve victims of abuse, especially women, and places a higher priority on keeping even dangerous abusers in children’s lives than keeping the children safe. The father whom the judge favored, strapped Zoey into her car seat, chained the doors together, and set the car on fire. I checked, Zoey died in the fire. The courts assume children always benefit from keeping fathers in their lives. In reality, abusive fathers need to stop their abuse and remove the fear and stress they cause in order for the children to benefit from the relationship. Instead the courts pressure the mother and children to accommodate the father. This is why all the news articles have Zoey burning in the car instead of being safe with her mother.
Current and former Calgary police officers Bryan Morton, Brad McNish and Tony Braile were convicted of corruption-related offences. The trio worked for a private investigation firm that targeted a local mother in the middle of a custody dispute. (Meghan Grant/CBC) The case centres around the breakup, hostile relationship and bitter custody battle between Akele Taylor and Ken Carter. Carter, a wealthy businessman, then hired an unlicensed private investigation firm run by former police officer Steve Walton and his wife. The Waltons used the services of current and former Calgary police officers, including Morton, McNish and Braile. For nearly two years, Akele Taylor was followed and harassed — a GPS tracker was placed on her car and her friends were offered money in exchange for dirt on the single mother. The surveillance was designed to intimidate Taylor, evoke a sense of powerlessness and highlight the imbalance of power between the victim and Carter, said the judge in reading from his 38-page decision. “When police sell their services for personal profit, the rule of law breaks down,” said Mahoney. “Mr. Morton made the police available for sale to Mr. Carter to help him win a custody dispute.”
Letter from Mom in Hiding 22/12/2018 Mum and Maddie,
This letter is for you to understand why I’ve had to do what I’ve done. It’s for you to show to the police and the court to explain myself. This is the only thing I could do for Olly to have any semblance of a childhood with his mum. I’m really sorry to leave you all but we have no other choice and I promise we will be ok! I will never let any harm come to Olly. My solicitor has told me repeatedly that because of how Patrick is portraying me in court that the Judge believes we are causing Olly emotional harm. It’s impossible for me to show them and prove to them the extent and amount of emotional abuse I have endured and still am being subjected to. I’ve been told that there is a strong possibility that Olly will be appointed a guardian by the court, something Patrick requested at the last hearing. I have also been told that this outcome goes hand in hand with Olly being placed into Foster Care! I cannot believe any parent who has even an ounce of love for their child would ever consider asking for this! I can’t let his hatred for me and need to control and destroy my life be the reason that my boy ends up in care! I love my son endlessly and will not allow it! He does not love his son or care about his well-being. Since our breakup I was the one who encouraged and suggested in court every weekend contact for Olly with his father. This custody battle is not because he loves his son. Why would he not have been happy to give Olly a steady normal life with this mum and his dad in it! Why does he want to take him from me when I’ve done nothing but adhere to his demands even when I did not feel they were in Olly’s best interests. What have I done, other than leave an abusive relationship and still allow him extensive contact with Olly? My son clings to me sobbing and shouting that he doesn’t want to go to daddie’s. He comes home and clings to my side not allowing me to leave the room without him! Why is my son’s voice not being heard by the court? The court system is so wrapped up and concerned with “Father’s Rights” that they overlook the children’s happiness and well being. There is something wrong with the environment there for Olly not to want to go so badly! I begged Social Services to investigate the situation with this dad when Olly was telling me he was being hit there. This was the one and only time I broke the court order, Olly was distraught and hysterical but the court, police and father didn’t care and demanded my son went back to visits with him, threatening me with prison if I didn’t force him to go! My son deserves happiness and watching him be dragged away from me every week is disgusting and is the only thing on my end that is causing Olly emotional harm! I had to bring my son home 3 days early from a family holiday to Florida at Patrick’s insistence and the courts disgusting decision. It cost my mum hundreds for new flights and missed days, What father that loves his child would want their child to miss family holidays! Leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever done until now. It was terrifying and I only done it because of Olly! I want to protect him from having to recover from his childhood. I used to be intensely scared of going to bed every night, to the point where I would purposely go to bed at 6/7 pm at night in the slight hope that he would feel remotely guilty about forcing me awake for sex! I think I got roughly 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night if I was lucky, my body and mind felt constantly exhausted from being in a permanent state of tension. I would clinch and go rigid when I heard him coming up the stairs as I would pretend to be asleep. If I refused or protested too much, the level of hostility the next day would cause me to have extreme anxiety and panic attacks. This sort of behavior intensified and became an every night occurrence around September/October 2015 after I’d had Olly. I was pressured into sex only 3 weeks after Olly was born and he only waited that long because of the bleeding. It was extremely painful due to the birth I had, he didn’t care or react other than forcefully to my obvious pain or objections. I had to go straight to my doctors and ask for the Morning After Pill as he had refused to use any contraception as he didn’t like it. I couldn’t refuse as he liked to point out I was financially controlled by him and he could get me out of the house whenever he wanted to and he “knew people.” I was embarrassed about my situation and scared that if I told the truth about his behavior that they would alert social services as I was a young first time mother…turns out I was right that no one could help me! I told my GP Dr. Murphy at Hassengate doctors that a condom had split!… not long after I went to the doctors and was prescribed 20mg Citalopram for what I described as severe anxiety caused by my relationship. I don’t remember giving too many details as again I didn’t want Social Services alerted. I intentionally hid my prescription from him for months until he searched my bag and goggled the name of them. He began to publically refer to me as a crazy and my 100 mg pills and mock me to my family and friends. He would constantly refer to me as “mental” and “weak.” I was too embarrassed to ask for help and ashamed and worried that because I had tried to leave before and had to come back because of his threats that nobody would believe or even be willing to help me. Everyone seemed to not like him and his behavior but no one seemed to confront him or help me. I don’t resent anyone or want them to feel bad as it was my fault for not asking for help or telling anyone the extent of the problem. I know this and blame only myself. The controlling nature became worse to the point where I wasn’t allowed to move or even choose items of furniture etc…The worst part of the relationship was when I would care for his other children while they were supposed to be in his care, he would intentionally demean me and encourage them to ignore me as any sort of authority and taught them to disrespect me. I loved those children as if they were my own and I stayed in the relationship as long as I did because I loved and cared for them so much. When he spitefully holds me after I’d left, he told them I didn’t want to see them anymore, he broke me more than anything he’d ever done before. It destroyed me! I watched how he treated their mother, even though he wanted her to move on and be decent to him he still refused to be decent to her. He stalked her emails, blanked her messages when he had her children (to the point where I would feel so guilty I would secretly message her via Facebook to let her know they were ok), he refused to allow her to have his contact number, she wasn’t allowed near the house, etc…He thrived on the fact he made her suffer, he audio recorded their court mediation and hearings so he could hear her cry again. He would laugh at these! He allowed her to move on by moving away as he had ended that relationship. He wanted her away so he could move on with myself. I was a naive little girl at 18 and he was 37! I feel awful for how he treated her and leaving her pregnant. Maybe how I’ve been treated is Karma…He allowed her to move on by moving away as he controlled that decision and situation. If the court had listened and realized why I wanted to move away and how I would have still abided by the order I wouldn’t have been forced to protect my son in this way! I am not allowed to be in our son’s life as Patrick did not make the decision to remove me from his life. It’s shocking and my son is now a child of the court thanks to his manipulation. I have endured harassment, stalking, being chased in my car, having my personal emails and social media privacy invaded and have had no help from the police! Patrick is a psychopath and he will not be satisfied or stop until he has completely removed me from Olly’s life, either by manipulation of the court as he has done or I truly believe he is capable of killing me. I love Olly more than anything and will never allow anyone to harm him in any way! I’m sorry for leaving but I am truly so beyond scared for my life and I will not allow him to destroy Olly’s life by taking mine. I love you, Maddie and Billy and really hope one day you’ll be able to be with us again. I truly believe this won’t be able to happen until he is proven to be what he is and the awful court system has been changed to protect my son and people like from him. Please ask the police to make sure you are all safe from him and his family, he has no boundaries and I’m scared he’ll try to hurt you’s. We love you’s and I’ll find a way to let you know that we are safe and happy. Sorry, I love you! Ellie xxxxx Please let Mandy and Ellie at Changing Pathways know I am ok and that I appreciate all the help they gave me. They are the only ones who believed me and will worry about me and Olly. Xxx
‘I’m so desperately worried about my son and just want him home,’ said Mr Sheridan, (the father, a civil engineer in his 40s, after the hearing. ‘My message to Ellie is simple: “Please come back so that we can see Olly’s alright”. A High Court judge has issued an urgent appeal for help finding a three-year-old boy who has vanished with his mother. Mr Justice Williams said his level of concern was such that he had decided to make Olly a ward of court – a move which places responsibility for a child directly in a judge’s hands.
Sadly, Christinas journey, and her childrens experience of being collateral damage, is not atypical. Kudos for her strength and bravery in putting her story out there as a cautionary tale for others. (Dr. Susan Weitzman, author, Not to People like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages). Christina Masks Nightmare is constructed around fragments from a life in agony as one woman attempts to escape abuse, retain her sanity, and regain the custody of three children the family court and her husband have taken from her. Its all herethe daily records over months, then years; the diary entries; the self-blame; the excuses; the shame; the absurdist dialogues with family therapists; marginalia from readings or lectures or religious texts; letters pleadings with judges and lawyers and evaluators; poems; letters to and from the children, real and imagined; the reports that put her claims of abuse in quotations; and so, so much more. These pieces are loosely joined by a narrative and an interior monologue that I sometimes found too much to bear. But then I realized I was scanning something akin to a Picasso painting, whose underlying truth lay not in what was on the page, not the fragments, but in the hope that put them out here, no more evident than in the endlessly reasonable letters Mask writes to intractable foes. Mask has cast her eye on what Yeats termed the broken, crumbling battlement of the self and lived to write it. As one director famously said about the sixty women and children crowded into her six-bedroom shelter, If they can manage this, they can manage anything. Christinas book gives us faith that she is right. (Evan Stark, PhD, MSW. The writer is professor emeritus at Rutgers University, and author of Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life [Oxford, 2007]).
“If you see my child…. Tell them I never wanted to be away from them for one minute… Tell them because I chose not to be with their father because it was a dysfunctional relationship in it’s mildest form..
The courts decided against me Your Mother… I would have never imagined that you would be left to is feel as though your mother abandoned you… though i committed no crime..THEY KEPT ME FROM YOU AS THEY PLANNED THEIR Eight MONTH COURT STRATEGY. I’m so very sorry that you were exposed to counselors Guardian ad litems ….evaluations and counseling… So everyone could make money off of our crisis… I’m so so very sorry that the rest of your life will be impacted by the choices of the Courts… I’m so very sorry for birthdays and holidays THAT they damaged… I’m so very sorry that it makes it difficult for the rest of your life because this affects generations to come… I love you I miss being YOUR everyday mother… I know everyone says I need to get up and over that… You are my most important everything and I will never get up and get over that…” – Protective Mother Amy Clarke Brockwell
Please sign this petition and help this victim. https://www.thepetitionsite.com/290/558/332/bring-nara-home/?fbclid=IwAR3zjVAYbwq-XpUJnTMVb2N9PN4cDyYud-Nnsj5fsqB1LD75P4WtLMRGfv4 Nara Walker: “My abuser attacked me when I tried to leave him in 2017. He broke my ribs, gave me internal bruising and a sprained spine.
I was then carried back inside the apartment up a flight of stairs and he forced himself onto me. I used self-defence and have been charged and convicted to prison for this – he is still free even after admitting to abuse including drugging me, raping me and physical abuse. Stand with me against domestic violence and for better laws towards domestic violence victims. Sign and share.
A JEALOUS husband hanged both his daughters before killing himself prompting police to launch a murder case against his WIFE because she was having an affair. Rishikant Kudupalli, 40, sent sick pictures on WhatsApp showing the dead bodies of the kids to his estranged partner Pragati in Ballarpur, central India, according to cops.Pragati has reportedly left her husband and daughters 18-month-old Kartiki and six-year-old Narayani to elope with her new love, local media says. But her life changed forever when Rishikant sent images showing the dead bodies of their children at the family home. Cops have launched a criminal case against her and the man she reportedly fell in love with. They could be prosecuted under sections of the Indian Penal Code including murder, torture and abetment to suicide, News Nation reports. Police spokesman Sunil Kamble said: “They are currently absconding and we have launched a search operation for them.”
Killer dad’s sinister plan to murder his kids: How father, 44, made an elaborate mechanism to gas his family with mundane materials he bought from Bunnings without tipping off his wife. Fernando Manrique, 44, allegedly gassed his family in their Sydney home in 2016. He was found dead with wife Maria Lutz, 43, and kids Elisa, 11, and Martin, 10. A Girl named Jamilyn, 17-year-old, told police they were having an affair for four months before his wife Ms Lutz found out about it and demanded a divorce from the unhappy marriage
Duisburg. An unbelievably cruel case is currently being heard inDuisburg district court . Accused is Enis C. (43), father of six children – of whom he is said to have held several such as slave laborers in a marijuana plantation in an apartment building in Duisburg -Rheinhausen and threatened them with death. Enis C. is said to have permanently intimidated and abused his wife and children for years. A court spokeswoman said he had forbidden one of his children to go to school. Instead, the child should help as a “grower” to grow the drugs. If the harvest is not satisfactory to him, he will kill a child and take life insurance, his threat.
A desperate mum is fighting to have her two young children returned to her and taken out of the control of her jailed paedophile ex-husband. Despite being put behind bars from more than ten years for subjecting his children to sexual abuse as they slept, the woman’s former partner still has the power of parental rights. Although he remains locked up having also been convicted of possessing the most severe category of indecent images, the man seeks control of her life she claims. He prevents her from doing routine things like taking their children on holiday abroad and has fought to stop his children – both under 10 -from changing their surnames. He has also stopped his ex from selling their home where the abuse took place even though she has struggled to make the monthly mortgage payments, aside from all the terrible memories the property holds. She had thought she would be able to rebuild her children’s shattered lives following his sentence but says his actions are preventing that from happening. Her ex-partner is on the sex offenders register for life but he still wields power over their lives. She said she “thought it was a fresh start when he went into prison” but she has faced one legal battle after another. “For someone whose husband is serving time for being a paedophile – he gets legal aid in prison.” “It’s wrong the whole system is not protecting her or the children.” Tonia Antoniazzi, MP for Gower, said.
In a June 2018 landslide vote, Persky was the first California judge recalled in over 80 years, a recall fueled by the sentencing of Brock Turner and the #metoo movement that took on California’s judiciary and legal culture. A recall that was covered more in the national press than the San Jose Mercury. Persky was a family court judge who separated families long before he was assigned to the criminal courthouse. Children and parents will continue to face a lifetime of harm from dealing with bad family courts that wrongfully separated children from their parents. This harm is now being discussed on a national level based on the current immigration issues. The harm suffered by BOTH parents and children who are legally separated can be seen in the form of : Inability to form Meaningful Relationships; Depression; Withdrawal; Suicide; Self- Harm; Increased Risk for Dropping Out of School; Increased Drug / Alcohol Use Risk; Eating Disorders; Lack of Trust; Permanent Financial Oppression; Loneliness
Children who grew up in divorce and endured an army of : Special Masters, custody evaluators and lawyers appointed for the children, are rarely reunited with their parents. They age out of the system, losing their family wealth and support in the process. Court files show these children often end up with a more abusive parent, and alienated from a parent who had no money to keep up in the legal system. Most disturbing are the parents who are branded in court, rendering them unable to bring claims of pedophilia and child abuse. These parents are discredited merely because they didn’t have the right lawyer, or because they tried to speak out to protect their children. These parents and their children are sent to a life sentence because of the deeply flawed courts. As immigration causes these issues to be discussed on a national level, activists are focusing on California counties and lawyers to bring the message to the public in a manner that helps all of America’s children, not just the children at the border. Protests are currently planned in Martinez for June 28 and nationwide on June 30. Watch Facebook or email Q for updates on protests in your area. Q is also taking signups in California for RAPID RESPONSE PROTESTS and campaigns to bring these issues to greater media and public attention.
Childhood abuse never ended for thousands of Australian adults. Sarah is living proof that “life after hell” is possible. For more than 20 years she says she endured beatings, rape and degradation at the hands of her family. She tells of being locked in sheds, made to eat from a dog’s bowl and left tied to a tree naked and alone in the bush. Her abusers spanned three generations and included her grandfather, father and some of her brothers. She has scars across her body. “This is from a whipper snipper,” she says, pointing to a deep gouge of scar tissue wrapped around the back of her ankle. Higher up is another she says was caused by her father’s axe. As confronting as Sarah’s case may be, she is not alone. While most people assume child abuse ends at adulthood, it can bring control, fear and manipulation that can last a lifetime. Incestuous abuse into adulthood affects roughly 1 in 700 Australians, according to research by psychiatrist Warwick Middleton — one of the world’s leading experts in trauma and dissociation. If that estimate is accurate, tens of thousands of Australian adults like Sarah are being abused by family members into their 20s or even up to their 50s.
Hidden in ‘happy’ families, successful careers:
Sydney criminologist Michael Salter has found similar patterns in his own research. He said cases of incest are “fairly likely” to continue into adulthood, but this extreme form of domestic abuse is unrecognised within our health and legal systems. “It’s unlikely that these men are going to respect the age of consent,” says Mr Salter, who is an associate professor of criminology at Western Sydney University. “It doesn’t make sense that they would be saying, ‘Oh you’re 18 now so I’m not going to abuse you anymore’. We’re just not having a sensible conversation about it.” The ABC spoke with 16 men and women who described being abused from childhood into adulthood. They said their abusers included fathers, step-fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings and uncles. Medical and police reports, threatening messages and photos of the abuse supported these accounts. Some family members also confirmed their stories. Most victims described their families as “well-respected” and outwardly “normal-looking”, yet for many the abuse continued well after their marriage and the birth of their own children, as they navigated successful careers. “You see a lot of upper-income women who are medical practitioners, barristers, physiatrists — high functioning in their day-to-day lives — being horrifically abused on the weekends by their family,” Mr Salter says. Helen, a highly successful medical professional, says she hid sexual abuse by her father for decades. “They didn’t see the struggle within,” she says.
A mental ‘escape’
Professor Middleton describes abuse by a parent as “soul destroying”. In order to survive psychologically, a child will often dissociate from the abuse. Compartmentalising memories and feelings can be an effective coping strategy for a child dependent on their abuser, says Pam Stavropoulos, head of research at the Blue Knot Foundation, a national organisation that works with the adult survivors of childhood trauma. Claire*, 33, describes her dissociation as both her greatest ally and her worst enemy. “You feel like you’ve keep it so secret that you’ve fooled the world and you’ve fooled yourself,” she says. In her family, women — her mother and grandmother — have been the primary physical and sexual abusers and she says some of her abuse is ongoing. For many, the attachment to an abuser can be so strong, they lose their own sense of identity. Kitty, who was abused by her father for more than five decades until his recent death, says she did everything her family said to try to win their love. “I thought I was some kind of monster because I still love my father,” she says. “It’s like he’s melted into my flesh. I can feel him. He is always here.” Professor Middleton said premature exposure to sex confuses the mind and the body and leaves a child vulnerable to involuntary sexual responses that perpetrators will frequently manipulate to fuel a sense of shame, convincing them they “want” or “enjoy” the abuse. For Emma*, violent sexual assaults and beatings at home began when she was five and are continuing more than 40 years later. “When you are naked, beaten, humiliated and showing physical signs of arousal, it really messes with your head. It messes with your sexuality,” she says. “Your sense of what is OK and what isn’t becomes really confused. You come to believe that they literally own you and own your body. That you don’t deserve better than this.” A medical report viewed by ABC shows Emma required a blood transfusion last month after sustaining significant internal tissue damage from a sharp object. The report stated Emma had a history of “multiple similar assaults”. She said medical staff do want you to get help and sometimes offered to call police. “What they don’t understand is that for me police are not necessarily a safe option,” she says. As a teenager she had tried to report to the police, but was sent back home to face the consequences. She said a “lack of understanding about the dynamics of abuse and the effects of trauma” mean victims rarely get the response and help they need. While Emma has been unable to escape the abuse, she has made many sacrifices to shelter her children from it. But they still suffer emotionally, she says. “It makes it hard for anyone who cares about you having to watch you hurt over and over again.”
Incest after marriage and kids:
For Graham, it was devastating to find out his wife Cheryl* was being sexually abused by both her parents 10 years into their marriage. “I had no idea it was going on,” he says, of the abuse that continued even after the birth of their children. “The fight between wanting to kill [her father] and knowing it’s wrong wasn’t fun. I don’t think people know what stress is unless they’ve been faced with something like that.” With Graham’s support, the family cut contact with his in-laws. He says the fallout of this abuse ripples through society impacting everyone around both the abused and the abuser.
GREENVILLE CO., SC – She was a straight-A student with parents in law enforcement. Growing up, Cat Wehunt said her family was close, but looking back on her life, the 26-year-old could not remember a time where sexual abuse didn’t exist in her life. “I knew that I felt violated, I knew that my body felt violated, but I just didn’t know how or what it meant or why it was happening to me,” she explained. Wehunt told a crowd seated at Greenville Health System Thursday that at 12 years old she was raped, and at 14 she had been sold for sex by her older cousin. Although he was her trafficker, she said she still trusted him because he was family. “These are the people that are supposed to take care of you, these are the people who are supposed to protect you and know the most and are closest with you, so you already have that bond.” Wehunt’s situation is common in South Carolina. In 2016, familial trafficking was the most common form of relationship between a trafficker and victim in the state, according to the Attorney General’s Office.
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