The following year started with the arrival of numerous court documents. These were in the respected country’s language, which I did not understand, and the court did not care. But the respected country did sign an international agreement, stating they will provide such human rights services to foreigners. I assumed these documents were related to the next court hearing. Which was this husband’s emergency eviction hearing, made mid 2013, that was now being heard in court.
This father had spent half of the children’s holiday with them and then went to “work”. My children returned from holiday with nannies seven, eight and nine. I continued to greet my children from the window of the apartment.
One Sunday in February 2014 nannies eight and nine returned from church with my children and I dropped down stuffed animals for the children from the window. Nanny eight recorded me and nanny nine pushed my children into the garage. The children started crying. I had only managed to drop two stuffed toys and still had a big giraffe. While the garage was closing, I told the children I will put it by the rear door. Reaching this glass door, nanny nine opened it and stormed at me. I got a fright and threw the 80cm stuffed toy at him. He stopped and I took the toy back, asking him, “What are you doing?” He replied that I had attacked him. He walked up to me and put his hand close to my face as if to slap me, waving it saying, “You had done this.” I told him he is lying and asked him why, but he did not answer me. I placed the toy at the door and loudly told my children that I’ve put the giraffe outside their door. I turned and walked away, while nanny nine, repeatedly in a sneering manner, said, “Goodbye Ms. … Goodbye Ms. ….”
The door bell rang shortly after I had returned to the apartment. The police told me nanny nine phoned them, saying he is scared of me and that I had attacked him. I denied his claim of attack and said he is not scared of me at all. The police officer replied that I have to come to the police station during the following week.
At the station the officer said nanny nine never came to them to lay charges, so there was no complaint against me. He asked if I still want to make a statement and I said yes. I explained what had happened. Nanny nine’s behaviour, of leaving the “sanctuary” of the house and “meeting me” outside, was not the behaviour of a person that is scared of someone. The officer asked if nanny nine, obviously homosexual, is this father’s partner? If these nannies were legally registered to be on the property? I suspected they were not. But I was legally registered to be on that property.
I received the order of the eviction hearing. It stated that I have to leave the apartment. The judge included a restraining order that I am not allowed to establish myself in the surrounding area of this father’s residence and I am not allowed within a 100m from my children. The order read, “Irregardless of my financial position.” The judge that issued this order was the same judge that had, in a previous order, dramatically slandered me, while stating that this “I am called a pedophile, that prefers little boys” father/husband is “worthy of the trust of the respected country’s court”.
Financial difficulty did mean I was unable to move, unless I left the respected country for my native country. In which case I will never see or hear of my children again. It appears that some people are cold heartedly and desperately trying to ensure this.
My advocate said she was appealing the court decision and I must stay in the apartment. I followed her advice, while continuing to keep contact with my children as best as I could. When I had toys/treats, I dropped this from the window for them. The times I put it outside on the bench, the nannies took it away or told the children not to take it – that it could be poisoned. I saw her taking cookies away that was sealed in their packet. While their father’s education included telling the children that the symbol, ®, on packets, meant the food has poison in. ® Is the registered trademark symbol.
Nannies seven, eight and nine rotated on what appeared to be monthly shifts, working two on a shift at a time. That first month that the young nannies eight and nine were together on their “nanny roster”, I heard my children crying twice as much as they had been crying previously. Sometimes I could hear a child crying straight throughout what was supposed to be the child’s lunch time.
They boldly continued their horrendous behaviour, as if they had legal immunity. Recording me with their mobiles, pushing my children or blocking them with their bodies. While the children and I tried to speak, they would repeatedly and loudly say to the children “Come! Come! Come!”. Or they whispered to the children, pushing them inside. The father, who returned periodically, did not involve himself with the recording and pushing of the children. The children told me he said they will have to move to another house if they keep on talking to me. Court claimed “scared nannies” performed their abuse and harassment with either triumphant smiles or furious glares at me, depending on the children’s responses to my greetings.
Some days my children stood and spoke to me. The following day they behaved in a manner of not looking up and ignoring me as if they do not hear me greeting them. These nannies triumphantly smiled from behind their mobile phones. This lastly mentioned behaviour of the children hurt me deeply.
In April 2014 I received notice that the eviction appeal court judge requests this father’s and my presence in the appeal court. As I left the apartment that morning, I noticed the garage door is open. The neighbour, (who asked me if I “preferred women” and wanted to know if the father profits from the children), was standing by the garage. I walked onto the sidewalk and saw my smallest child with nanny nine at the entrance of the garage. My smallest child came to me on the sidewalk and I gave him a hug. While my child and I were still greeting each other, the neighbour came to us and aggressively spoke to me in the respected country’s language. I did not understand what she was saying, but I could see my child understood her and it made him nervous and confused. Nanny nine also came to us on the sidewalk. He was behind his mobile phone, I presumed, recording me. Nanny nine repeatedly said to my smallest child, “Come, come you have to go to school.” In order to take the train I had to leave, so I said goodbye, but my child was confused and started walking with me. I told him he cannot walk with me and that he will have to go back. I hated having to do it. In my child’s mind it supported this father’s impressions, which is that I did not want them.
The children’s father did not honour the court with his presence as ordered. During this appeal hearing I showed the judge samples of the small toys I drop for the children from the window. I explained that, according to this father and his employees, these toys and my greeting my children were a grave danger to the children. The judge replied that I was only allowed to have contact with my children at the visitation place. My advocate explained that I live on the same property and that my children are left in the care of nannies that behave aggressively towards my children and me.
This father’s advocate replied that I had attacked this father in our native country. She now refers to when I had requested that my children be assessed for molestation in their native language. Theoretically, assessment of children for sexualisation is not a danger/or attack on an innocent man. A man guilty of molestation, however, will regard this as an attack, because he would perceive it as a danger to him. Which is why I suspect this father acted in crossing into another country with our then very small, three boys – to avoid this. The judge asked if I had gone to our native country with the intent to go to court. I replied no. Only when the opportunity presented itself, did I approach that court to ask for professional assessment of the children.
(An interesting observation is that my children have since then not been taken to our native country.)
This father’s advocate now replied that a Hague application had to be made to stop me in our native country. I could not help but laugh out loud at her. I told her she filled out a paper – meaning the Hague application -, but I never kidnapped my children. This father’s advocate then loudly and aggressively replied that I had withheld this father from his children. I said I did not do what is claimed, but that he and his nannies are not even permitting me any telephonic contact with my children. That they are physically preventing my small children from speaking to me.
This father’s advocate told the judge that – “they” – had decided no telephonic contact, because I speak to the children of sexual abuse! I asked the court if telling your small children sexual behaviour is wrong for them at their age, is not considered setting a boundary for children? No one replied. (The respected country’s social services did ironically accuse me repeatedly of not setting boundaries for my children and then connected it to mundane situations: a pet hamster that I had allowed my children to take to the police station, claiming it ran around their whole station; I allowed my children to play on a climbing frame at their school, writing it in reports as, she allows her children to play on school furniture; I allow my children to climb trees. They left out that I stand guard at the foot of the tree, with a child that could only reach the second branch.) With their false claims and dramatisation they created false impressions of me. Then added their punchline: she sets no boundaries for her children.
This father’s advocate said that, if I don’t stop greeting my children, this father will be moving the children to another house in the area. The judge asked why this husband does not rent an apartment for me. The father’s advocate replied this father’s minimal salary is preventing him! After that she repeated “minimal salary” like a mantra in her speech. They started talking of another application against me in a regional court of the respected country. The prosecutor added that the law that they had used in their eviction case was not supposed to be used in the manner they had used it. I knew nothing of this new court case against me. But the judge and prosecutor seemed to have knowledge of this and neither appeared satisfied with this “new” case in the regional court. The father’s advocate exhibited the discomfort of a wet cat.
I checked my house mailbox when I arrived home. The new court case document was in the mailbox. My advocate explained this father could not enforce the eviction order of January 2014 because of the wording of the document. This is why he had to approach a regional court to enforce it. They had done this two months after the lodging of an appeal against the order they were trying to enforce. And about a week before the appeal hearing was scheduled in the respected county’s higher court. A friend translated this “new” law suit document for me. She was shocked by the coldness and the disrespectful word use in the document, which, she said, resembled the chasing of a dog, in her language. This husband also wanted about three times the normal rent for the apartment from me from January 2014, and if I do leave, he would like an order that I am not allowed to take anything.
But the appeal court judge dismissed the restraining order and ruled that I am allowed to stay in the apartment until the divorce is finalised. He criticised the manner in which I was being treated. He also made a comment on my “mental instability”, saying I do not appear to be mentally unstable. The new court case this husband had made in the respected country’s regional court evaporated.
In the meantime this father approached a newspaper in our native country. In the article he bemoans himself as a victim. The article read: “Wife wants to take his children. That his hell started when his wife laid charges of child molestation against him; that she was in the native country for psychiatric observation; and that she should have been charged with kidnapping, – applying the Hague Convention – as he insisted, but his advocate did not agree with him.” (The oddity was: His advocate did repeatedly insist in court, that I had kidnapped my children, saying I am vindictive, while I sat in the same court without any “kidnapped” children.) This article also claimed he refused to pay his native country’s legal team, complaining to the Human Rights Commission on grounds of being misinformed by them. He also bemoans that, because of “great” lack of knowledge on the Hague Convention, he cannot bring his children to visit his parents. He does not trust the authorities of the native country in their ignorance at all, and this is unfair towards him.
This father shared neither his numerous pedophile rumours, some that he has spread of himself for 20 years, nor his own behaviour, with this newspaper reporter. This reporter made no attempt to contact me. A more truthful article would have included that there was no psychiatric court evaluation ordered, nor any psychiatric observation of me. That the reason I was not charged with kidnapping is simply because I have not kidnapped anyone. But she chose to speak only to a rumour-spreading, self-centred, cold-hearted man, who eerily claims sole right to three small boys’ lives as his, in a crazed jealous madness that included endangering their lives and nearly killing one of them. Entirely as a result of his non-comprehension of caring and lack of discretion that any reasonable person would exercise. My mother emails this father regularly, asking to speak to her grandchildren. This father ignores her. She has not seen or spoken to her grandchildren for three years. She is financially supporting me, the “kind, generous” (according to his witnesses) husband’s “mentally ill” wife. So that I can be near my children and at least see them regularly, mostly from a window. None of my legal advisors in our native country could grasp what this father’s intentions were, for approaching the media in this haphazard manner. I decided not to respond to his rubbish in this newspaper.
A few weeks later I got a notice in my mailbox from a police station. Dutifully a translator was arranged, a procedure omitted during several previous statements taken.
This police officer explained this father came to them three months ago to lay charges against me: for greeting my children and giving them toys at the house against a restraining order. A week later this father’s homosexual nanny, nanny nine, also went to the police station, laying charges: my greeting of my smallest child against a court order. He made the claim that I had spoken to the child for 15 minutes. This, he said, resulted in the child missing a school trip. This was the morning I had to leave the house for the appeal court and had spoken to my smallest child on the sidewalk. It was definitely not even 5 minutes or I would have missed the train. Did nanny nine miss the school trip, if there was one, by his own lateness or forgetfulness, and then utilised the opportunity to blame me? He certainly did not appear in a hurry, while standing in the garage, and it also appeared he was talking to the “do you prefer women” neighbour.
Obviously neither this father, nor homosexual nanny nine, told the police that the court order given to them was under appeal or that it had already been annulled. I showed this to the police. I added that this husband will only be happy when I am not breathing any longer. The police officers laughed as if this is a joke.
After the appeal hearing verdict, nannies seven, eight and nine stopped recording me. Their “treatment of the mentally ill” did not hold up as a valid excuse for harassment and was placing their pseudo “good” person images in danger. I now decided to put “things” for my children at the bottom of the building’s communal front stairs. Ironically my smallest child requested I still drop toys attached to balloons from the apartment window. Which I did on occasion to amuse him. My children still exhibited radical behavioural changes in greeting me from one day to the next.
Almost a month later on 17 June 2014 the doorbell was rung by the police, asking me if I had taken out my mail. They said a notification was sent to say I should leave the respected country. This registered letter read that I had 30 days from receiving the letter to leave the respected country or I will be deported. The respected country’s Immigration department find me unsuitable for a family residence permit.
I can almost hear their arguments now: We say she suffers from a delusional illness. She thought she was in a marriage and gave birth to three boys in our country. She is less than nothing to these children in our country. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse and even judicial abuse? No! There is no evidence of any abuse/injustice/criminality. Sexual abuse of a child can be compared to seeing a UFO. How ridiculous that a mother of children should fear for her children’s welfare. We tell people it is an illness. Why can’t we get her to ignore her children who live on the same property as she does? Anyway, is sexual abuse dangerous for small children? And why do we need to spend our time on a proper investigation? But of course we are good people, can’t you see we work in the justice system. We do our best to safeguard children against “pet hamsters, tree climbing and a Christian upbringing!” How dare they teach their small children not to lie and steal and that sex/homosexual sex is wrong for children!
This husband’s “emergency divorce” case was still pending in the respected country’s court and the court did rule I can stay in the apartment during this procedure. I wondered how I was going to represent myself in this divorce procedure after their deportation actions. “Complicate it for this mother”, appears to be the motto. Once again my advocate said she will contact them.
Did the police knock on my door? Yes, two cars on a Friday night around 19:00. Do you think I would have managed to reach my advocate at that time? I was unable to open the door for them and they left. They never returned.
It was now the children’s summer holiday and they again left for the nannies’ home. I was not surprised when I noticed this father alone and back in the house about a week later. Over the next two months he left twice for about a week, but returned to the house.
Previously, over the easter holiday, this father had also sent the children away with the nannies and he stayed at home alone for the whole holiday.
During the summer holiday I was missing the little contact I had with my children. Bracing myself, I sent this father an email, saying I want to communicate with my children. It took him two days to agree, and then his next round of controlling and frustrating behaviour started. He said he will arrange a Skype conference call for us twice a week for 20 minutes, whilst my children are in the nannies’ home country for their holidays. He started by giving the first date for this conference call. After the children and I had spoken, I heard nothing more and had to email him again. He would give the next date for his 20min “graciously” given time my children and I can speak to each other. During this day-to-day, unplanned and no routine setup, he sent me an email at 8:00 one morning, saying I can speak to my children at 10:00. I, not connected to the internet, did not get the email. When I did go on the internet I found an email, saying he and the children waited, but did not see me online on Skype. I fumed! This man, that advertised his fake goodness, physically sat one floor underneath me in the building, but cannot walk 10 metres to my front door, right next to his, and use the intercom. Or send a message to my phone or try to phone me,saying that I should go online. He simply created bad impressions of me to my children: “Your mother is not available”. Another day I spoke for more than his 20min allowed time. He was terribly upset. He claims that every time he allowed me and my children to speak, it is 20 minutes before he has an appointment. I made him miss his appointment, having “no respect for his timing”.
Then this man sent the following message, and I quote him directly: I am travelling today and will see should it be possible tomorrow (Sunday) late afternoon. During the coming week I have a busy schedule and I am not sure if I will have internet coverage. Should it be possible, I will inform you.
“Should it be possible” was seven days before I and my children spoke to each other again. This holiday I could only speak to my children during a conference call under this father’s supervision. No video was allowed. The possibility of having the nanny, who has internet and is with my children, make a direct Skype call, or give me a regular time with a contact number, is a simple dynamic that is inconceivable to their intellect.
The nannies seven and eight with the children returned from holiday. This father, again ready with his pseudo “good father” routine, smilingly took the children to school. He had just left his children for about two months of the holiday in the care of someone else.
I hoped to continue to speak to my children on Skype. I reasoned that the eviction appeal court hearing stopped some of their crazy behaviour: From all of these nannies waiting on the sidewalk for the children returning from school, while one recorded me and the other prodded the children in the direction of the garage; to a nanny now waiting, out of sight, in the garage, without recording me. There was also now one nanny at a time on a shift. Just maybe they realised that they need to allow me to speak to my children.
I quote this father’s email reply:
I will arrange that you can talk with the children every Monday afternoon around 12h50 till 13h10 (Twenty minutes) on a Skype conference with the following conditions: 1. You stop your daily interference from your bedroom window, upsetting the routine when the children depart for school and when they arrive back from school. 2. Stop asking the children what they want to eat and drink and what presents they want in the morning and then going out to purchase what they have requested and handing this to them when they return from school! 3. Respect the time allowed to talk with the children. After receiving your confirmation on the above I will arrange the proposed Skype weekly conference calls.
I quote my reply to him:
Your behaviour ranges from denying me and my children contact, to you recently allowing periodic telephonic contact under your control. You do not follow through and make ad hoc rules, e.g. shortening the times, ignoring arranged contact times, being vague with planning, etc.
In my experience your extreme work schedule compromises your proposal. Will you be able to arrange time off for this conference call? Will my children and I be allowed to use video during the Skype conference call?
The reply to your points in your email is as follows:
1. You stop your daily interference from your bedroom window, upsetting the routine when the children depart for school and when they arrive back from school.
I greet and tell my children I love them from a window. This is all I can do. For about two years this has become routine for us. Your claim of “interference and upsetting their routine” is false. The children smile, wave and sometimes try to speak whilst they are walking on their way to school.
Your past false claims have involved e.g., that I follow them to school.
I see I am used as a convenient excuse for employees when they themselves are late or forgot the children’s routine.
2. Stop asking the children what they want to eat and drink and what presents they want in the morning and then going out to purchase what they have requested and handing this to them when they return from school!
I have heard some say, “Do not listen to children. Do not give children what they ask for.”
I however do try to listen and I try to give my children what they ask for within reasonable boundaries and my limited capabilities.
I am incapable of doing it every day as you claim.
3. Respect the time allowed to talk with the children.
Please do not ill-use the word respect.
The children are under the impression that their mother don’t want them.
The children are under the impression that it is “naughty” (the nannies speak english) of their mother to greet them.
The children are told if they speak or go to their mother the police will be called.
The children are threatened if they speak to their mother they will need to leave their house (this is the only stability they have at the moment).
The children, when they see their mother and try to go to, or speak to her, are pushed away or are physically blocked by employed nannies, etc.
These children saw your employees recording their mother every time she just greets them.
A nanny took door carpets to a public sidewalk to cover/hide chalk hearts, saying heart shapes are wrong, “manipulative and disruptive”.
There is a long list of harassing, aggressive and irrational behaviour directed towards me and my children. There are clear attempts to alienate the children (who I gave birth to) from me.
You do not indicate any interest in my opinion/preferences in your email.
As you know, it is emotionally damaging for a child if his mother ignores his existence. Such behaviour is not an indication of love or in the interest of the psychological well-being of the child.
This is why I ask you kindly to make another proposal in the interest of the children’s welfare.
I received no reply to this email and tried to phone anyway. This father said I cannot speak to my children, because I have not replied to his email. In reality I did reply and it was he that did not reply to my email. Anyway, in this husband’s reality a reply without full submission to him, is no reply. Never mind getting a reply while siting his ugly truth – then he ignores you. Re-sending my very long reply bore no fruit. I tried phoning again and the nanny, as usual, denied me contact.
My advocate replied she receives no communication from the youth court on any of her requests. Not for my telephonic contact or physical contact with my children or her requests to have the children assessed professionally for sexualization.
One Friday afternoon in December 2014, as the children were coming back from school, the eldest child’s behaviour puzzled me. He crouched in behind a wall and did not want to come to the house. I saw the children the next day for our supervised visitation and asked him about his behaviour. He replied that the nannies punish them when they speak to me. The other children reiterated this. I felt shocked and very angry. I informed the supervising person about this conduct. She, with a big smile on her face, walked to the children and told them, “It is between your mommy and your daddy.” I told her I want the abuse written in her report. Only then did the smile leave her face and she spoke to the children in the respected country’s language.
Small children receiving punishment and threats from their father and his employees for their natural instinct to have contact with their mother can not be explained to a child as, “It is between your mommy and your daddy”? Of course this respected country sets the scene for this emotional abuse. As long as children are not climbing trees, they are in ecstasy.
This abuse explained why my children would speak to me one day and then the next day walked by as if I was not at the window busy greeting them. I usually would then take a day off, not greeting them, and then try again. They would then greet me. Only to ignore me again the next time I greet them?
The staff at the supervisory institution continued their normal routine, not seeming to be bothered with children being emotionally and physically abused. I decided to get the children’s voices on record. The next visit, by Godsend, was with only one other parent and child present, which minimised the noise in the room. The supervisory staff of that day also did not exit their office.
MOTHER: Why do you not want to greet mamma?
FIRST CHILD: We can only say hello and goodbye.
MOTHER: And when are you punished?
FIRST CHILD: When we speak to you.
MOTHER: And who punishes you?
FIRST CHILD: [Inaudible] and nanny eight.
SECOND CHILD: Mamma mamma look how mine flies.
MOTHER: How do they punish you?
FIRST CHILD: They give us spankings.
MOTHER: Give what?
FIRST CHILD: They give spankings.
MOTHER: Spankings? Where? As in…
FIRST CHILD: On our bums.
MOTHER: Do they give you physical spankings? With what?
FIRST CHILD: The wooden spoon.
MOTHER: Do they give you spankings with the wooden spoon?
FIRST CHILD: [Inaudible]
THIRD CHILD: Yes and mamma I’ll tell you.
MOTHER: Also [Third child]?
SECOND CHILD: Yes
THIRD CHILD: Yes mamma I’ll tell you.
SECOND CHILD: And also me and also [First child].
MOTHER: When you speak to me?
SECOND CHILD: Yes and when we get toys.
MOTHER: Who gives you spankings?
FIRST CHILD: [Inaudible]
SECOND CHILD: Yes
FIRST CHILD: [nanny seven and nanny eight]
SECOND CHILD: Yes
MOTHER: Both of them?
FIRST CHILD: Yes
SECOND CHILD: Yes
THIRD CHILD: Yes because they want to spank us when we have spoken to you. When we have spoken to our mamma then [nanny seven] said [inaudible] then [First child] did not get one sweet and [Second child] also not and I also do not get sweets..
MOTHER: You don’t get what?
SECOND CHILD: Sweets
MOTHER: You get a spanking and you don’t get sweets.
MOTHER: You get punished twice… when you speak to me.
SECOND CHILD: Yes
FIRST CHILD: No 3 times.
MOTHER: How 3 times?
SECOND CHILD: Mamma can I look?
FIRST CHILD: First we get a spanking and we get no sweets and we have to sit 5 minutes on the chair.
MOTHER: So you are punished 3 times. When else do you get punishment? For what else are you punished?
FIRST CHILD: When we are naughty.
MOTHER: How much punishment do you get?
FIRST CHILD: Spanking with the wooden spoon, a few days on the chair and a few days without sweets.
SECOND CHILD: And we also get the belt.
MOTHER: Who’s belt?
SECOND CHILD: My daddy’s belt.
MOTHER: And who uses the belt?
SECOND CHILD: Daddy.
MOTHER: So what do they tell you? That you are not allowed to speak to me or what?
FIRST CHILD: That we are not allowed to speak to you.
SECOND CHILD: Yes
THIRD CHILD: No…yes
SECOND CHILD: We are just allowed to say hello to you.
FIRST CHILD:And that is all
SECOND CHILD: Yes… that is all
SECOND CHILD: Otherwise we will live in another house.
THIRD CHILD: Yes, then you will not see us anymore. With [inaudible], with [nanny seven]. Then daddy goes to the other house. Then you are going to think, where are we?
THIRD CHILD: Then you think so…he is at the other house…go.
I had known of this father’s “moving house” threats, there are also constant threats with the “police” , to our small children. “Daddy says if we do this the police will take us away.” “Daddy says if we don’t want to visit with you the police will take us away.” “Daddy says if we touch the fireworks the police will take us away.” I knew that this father, with reason, falsely imprinted on these children that the police was a threat to them and to be feared. However, the fact that my children were physically beaten for speaking to me, their mother, was news to me.
The supervisory visitation institution had a child psychologist on staff. I approached her, asking her to speak to my children. She said she will. The manager of the institution, who was present, told me that I had “delusional disorder”, therefore they don’t see the need to speak to my children. My children had, in the presence of one of her staff members, confirmed they are punished for speaking to me. Interesting how she was using this medical label as a weapon for silencing abuse. Giving carte blanche to zealous abusers to do as they want with me and my children.
My smallest child was three years old when this family of nannies started their employment with this father. Five months later the social service report stated the two eldest children had now become very aggressive, disruptive and lacked concentration. This father in court, December 2013, elaborately stated that this family of nannies (nanny seven, eight and nine) are his chosen nannies and there will be no new nannies.
This father’s chosen family of nannies are also hooligans like him. Their remuneration package includes abuse on small children.
I had sceptically listened to child welfare institutions telling me that they were very impressed with nanny seven. All whilst nanny seven tried to prevent them from making contact with me at my residence!? While she convinced them that nanny nine, her son, is only visiting? Nanny seven claims ignorance with regard to the children’s family history. Even after several years of “caring” for my children. Her testimony to court reiterate this. I quote:
“I definitely see a big change when they have seen their mother, I don’t think this situation is very good for them, as me, being a stranger to the facts, it bothers and upsets me & I cannot imagine what it does to the children.” I add that nanny seven and her family of nannies never attempted to get any facts from me about any situation. She simply screams psycho at me in front of my children.
But small children who has seen their mother, get beaten and punished by this pseudo woman. That is what “it” does to children. Nanny seven, “a stranger to the facts”, is bothered and upset…! What exactly is bothering and upsetting her in her ignorance? O yes, a mother greeting her children and them seeing their mother upsets her? That is why she beats them. She is not alone. It also bothers and upsets the “prefer little boys” father. He also gets upset that the children see their anti-pedophilia mother. The mother, whom he says, wants to ruin his “relationship with his boys” by telling them sex is wrong for them. This father openly claims “no supprise” in court, at his three little boys sexually interacting and “discovering sexual gratification together”. He adds, “mindful of their ages” – as if this changes homosexual incest.
Judges in courts reads this and obviously support this father in this sickness.
Their abusive behaviour towards me and my children is aimed to get us to ignore each other. Then they will say: She is not interested in her children: or, her children ignore her and are not interested in having a relationship with her. Towards my children they threaten, beat and punish them when they speak to me. Towards me their behaviour is harassment, recording me and calling the police when I speak to my children. Hoping this will deter me from speaking to them.
Because of this abuse, I had asked my children if they prefer that I do not greet them from the window anymore. They replied they want me to be by the window. I said ok, but if you don’t greet me, I will understand.
I contacted the State social service worker number three, the last one on our case, and gave her the information of the beatings. She replied that she can do nothing, unless the judge gives her the order to speak to the children. She phoned me back later, saying she sent an email to the judge. She also found out that six months ago this youth judge cancelled the request for placement of the children in protective care. The judge inform no one and there was no explanation for her secretive decision.
What happened about six months ago in my life…? I received a court order to be out of the respected country in 30 days or be deported.
This judge replied to the social service worker that I should arrange with the police to interview my children during our supervised visits. Odd, considering they had ample time to approach the children for an interview. But I approached the police to make arrangements for this and was not surprised to be informed that it is not possible. They took my statement and phoned the youth police. The youth police said they will refer the matter to the youth court. This youth court, from what I understood, was dead silent. Apart from cancelling protective orders on small emotionally, physically and possibly sexually abused children.
I also informed my advocate, as well as the children’s advocate of this abuse. The children’s advocate ended our meeting with, “I will speak to the children.”
For the past two years my supervised visitation with my three small children had remained two hours every two weeks. The supervisory organisation made promises, at the beginning, that this will increase, but it never did. When I approached them they dismissed me with, “speak to your advocate”. I found a contract signed by this supervisory institution stipulated that I will see my children every week. I approached the staff at the visitation institution and asked them what is going on? And what about their nice sounding promises? While showing their contract with me. After this my visits with my children increased to two hours per week. No advocate or court needed. While they kept saying, “we have no idea how this oversight happened?”
It was December 2014 when the children told me of their punishment by their nannies and father. The children told me their father was taking them for a holiday in a hotel. This would be the first time this father took care of the children alone. Maybe the reason for him choosing a fully catered hotel package.
Holidays were the “mentally unstable” parent’s “allowed time” to have restricted and supervised telephonic contact with her children! Their reasoning for nor allowing telephonic contact at the house, was saying I could manipulate my children telephonically while in their house!? Hence telephonic contact while they are in their house is forbidden. Astounding reasoning!
I requested contact in an email. This father gave me the telephone number of the hotel and room number. Strangely enough, he did not attach his usual conditions? I phoned when I wanted, the children picked up the phone and we spoke with no supervision or time limitations. Why?
Once again I listened to my children, ages 7,6 and 4 years, telling me of all kinds of strange behaviour towards them. For example, their father said that, before they can go and eat, a man from the hotel was going to come and look if they had made their beds properly. But in a hotel it was not necessary for these children to make their beds and hotel staff was not going to check to see if they had made their beds. This father lied and used the children’s need for food to manipulate the children to do as he wanted. My middle child asked me if I would make my smallest child sleep on the floor for wetting his bed? I said no, I would fix his bed for him. I already knew this father and his nannies forced these small children to make their own beds for the past year and a half. At the time, the children had tried to explain something else regarding their beds. Something to the effect that, if they wet it a second time in the night, they had to clean it themselves. This is a totally unfeeling, unsympathetic way to try to solve this psychological problem of children who are already distressed and traumatised.
This father and the children returned a week later and I greeted my children from the window. My middle child had a bloody wad of toilet paper between his top lip and his teeth. This father was doing his neighbourhood greeting and continuous smiling rounds. He smilingly prodded the child to tell the neighbours what happened to his mouth. They smiled at this child, along with this father.
I phoned the house and, low and behold, this father said I can speak to my children for 10 minutes only, and added I can call again later in the afternoon. He made sure I spoke to my children for only 10 minutes and I phoned again later. Only to be told by him that I never replied to his email, and if I stop greeting my children from the window, then he will allow me to speak to my children. So the 10 minutes was my taste of this contact. I told him since he plays games with my and my children’s contact, I will stand at my window. I know his abusive character. It includes negotiations of, “do this; behave like this; then you can get this,” is a control concept I had become familiar with during my marriage to this husband.
His problem is that he never reaches a point where he is satisfied, finding the smallest thing wrong, and putting blame on someone with this, while justifying himself for never keeping his end of the bargain. His “deals” were a pure manipulative, controlling game.
When I saw my children for our visit, the middle child told me his father had fallen on him. That was why his two front teeth was now loose and bleeding. The middle child was in-between this father and a frisbee this father wanted so he simply trampled the child. I asked the middle child if he had been to a doctor and he said no. I notified the children’s advocate of this as well. I also informed her of something else I had found upsetting. My children had told me that the nannies, at night, opens their bedroom window, while closing their bedroom door. They said they would be very cold at night. This was understandable. It was the middle of winter and below freezing at night. The children said they could not close the window. The window which doubled as a door had a push button, locking system. I asked them if the nannies open their own window as well? They said no, that the nannies kept their bedroom window closed when it was cold. Why would nannies open a window, the size of a door, in a slanting position, in the dead of the winter, in the children’s bedroom and close their bedroom door? For air, opening the bathroom window would be more suitable in the winter. I told the children to tell their nannies this. After reporting it my children informed me they never again opened their window like this.
The nannies started taking my children away for the weekends. I suspected that there must be another house nearby. I asked the children and they confirmed this. The children were scared of having to move and said that the nannies take them there, but they want to be at home. One Saturday visit, they wanted to know from me when they will be going home. I told them that they have to say what they want and to keep on saying it until they get it. My reasoning was that this father and the nannies did not want the children visibly upset. The children had to appear “happy and normal”. If they realise the “moved” children will act out in a manner that reflects badly on them, they will not move them. That weekend my children returned back Saturday night around 10:30PM and not late Sunday as was the new routine.
I was still waiting for authorities to act on my complaint that my children being beaten for speaking to me at the house. During my and my children’s visits I kept asking my children if somebody had spoken to them. They replied no. Social service worker three suggested I tell them to speak to their teachers. I told them this and the middle child said he tells his teachers he is beaten, but they do nothing.
I asked the child psychologist at our visitation place on the status of her having said she will speak to my children. She replied she is very busy and have not found the time yet to speak to the children? I also asked the children’s advocate, who had said she will speak to them, if she had spoken to the children about being beaten for speaking to their mother. She nonchalantly replied, “No, I spoke to their father about it and he denied it.” I stared at this woman in disbelieve. Does she honestly think he will confess? Why has she not spoken to the small children she represents?
The divorce court sent a notification requesting our attendance in court. This father’s advocate neglected to arrange the legally required translator. As a result the judge said the court would need to be postponed. This father’s advocate ignored his statement and proceeded saying that if I agree to admit to being at fault in the marriage, then this father will admit fault and the divorce can be settled quickly. Evidently the sly “immediate urgent emergency divorce”, filed 3 years ago, did not deliver desired results. The incredible torture and provocation techniques after this, by making me look at my children out of a window, did not deliver evidence for their trash talk of “mentally unstable, dangerous and violent woman” in a court. Apart from adding the words “attack” and “mentally unstable” to a mother requesting that her children be evaluated for their welfare, they had no substantial evidence applicable. I repeatedly declined his advocate’s persistent “at fault” proposal, adding that I did my utmost to make my marriage work.
At the next court sitting in the divorce case, with a translator present, the judge started by saying three sentences: I am putting the divorce through. There are no assets to divide. I am happy with the children in the father’s custody. My advocate replied that the children’s advocate is not happy with the father’s custody. The judge replied he did not know the children had an advocate. He did not know of the Youth Court file for the children and did not have it!? He said he will have another hearing with the children’s advocate present and acquaint himself with the youth court file. The judge again talked of no assets that need dividing, and the scribe wrote a hand-written contract for me to sign. My advocate agreed. This father’s advocate, of course, was in agreement. I disagreed. During our marriage this father’s 1960’s dilapidated house was now practically new and modern – with an extension of 90 square metres. This is not a natural increase in assets. This father’s advocate argued that, because of our marriage contract, no assets need to be divided. Our marriage contract clearly stipulates we were married with the net dividend of assets accrued during marriage. Is it not black on white for all to read? The judge then stated he will appoint a notary. This hand-written contract was changed to that effect and I agreed to sign.
The judge then asked if he has it correctly that this husband wants to admit to treating me badly during the last month of our marriage? Only the last month … really! It was so obvious that this husband evidently had no problems with causing severe worry, friction, difficulty, hardship, trauma, stress and suffering to my children and me. He openly lied in every court to only serve himself and fervently avoid any investigation into his “pedophilia”. It is common sense that this type of abusive character is inherent and weaved into everything done by such a person their entire lives. I had lived with his deception, lies and obsessive control and now my small children are forced to live with it. I suspected this “judge” needed a proper IQ.
The next hearing was in a public court room in the respected country’s language and with no translator. The children’s advocate requested the judge that everyone of the family be evaluated. The judge replied that the children are smiling, so there is nothing wrong. (I should show her some pictures of smiling children who have been tortured to death.) That some have reported problems with the children, but it might be as a result of me. It was clear, that after the deportation letter did not work, they now wanted to finalise the divorce as soon as possible. Safety and welfare of children were never on their agenda.
When I saw the children I now asked them about the behaviour of their caretakers. I was shocked, but not surprised. They said that when they cried, they got spanked. If one child hurt another child, this father would spank all three children: the child that is crying because he got hurt, the child that did the hurting, and the child that was not involved and had done nothing wrong. The same happened with their toys. If one did “wrong” with a toy, all of them were punished. My middle child explained how nanny seven forced them to finish eating a homemade porridge. How he and his younger brother got nauseous and she continued to force them to eat. He threw up eventually and was ordered to clean it as well. My smallest child says his father hits him hard on his head if he speaks while his father is sleeping. My middle child left the house very angry one morning, saying his father had kicked him. I told him from the window to tell the teacher.
A friend informed me this father told an English speaking parent at the children’s school that his wife is mentally unstable, violent and dangerous. This parent was shocked at his behaviour.
No one was ordered to follow up on my children, no one showed any interested in listening to them or me or to help us. Slowly I got increasingly fed-up with these people.
Regarding the harassment and torture I was enduring, the lies and slander – I was told by my advocate that I need to wait. Does waiting mean it is not on record? Isn’t that a form of silence?
I made an appointment at a police station for a translator, saying I want to lay charges of harassment. I used this father’s and his nannies’ preferred police station, although it is not the nearest police station. The chief himself took the time to meet with me and, to deter me from recording the charges, told me that the prosecutors will only decide that it was mutual harassment. I told him that they are happy to take statements from this father and his nannies of me leaving strawberries for my children by my front door or me greeting my children where we live. They can now take my statement on how I am constantly recorded. In this husband’s first court documents he admitted to recording me, taking pictures of me and invading my privacy. His nannies three, five, seven, eight and nine, taking turns, recorded me for 2 years, every day, every time I greeted my children. I made sure I got everyone of them and the process on record. The police wanted to know why I don’t use my advocate instead. I said for some reason she keeps telling me to wait. They all voiced agreement that I should have listened to my advocate and waited. A moment later I was asked why I waited 2 years before laying charges? They reluctantly and with great difficulty took my statement. Debating if this father’s numerous acknowledgements in his court documents, of how he repeatedly recorded and photographed me, my belongings and my surroundings, were evidence of harassment? To which they decided it is not and not worth adding to my testimony, since his admission is not evidence? On my part I just refused to sign the statement if it did not include this husband’s harassment. They added it. The chief alone accompanied me out of the station, telling me that he hopes to never see me again at this police station. I laughed and told him that the majority of times I had been at his station, was in response to that father’s and his nannies’ “charges” against me.
I also approached the inspection division of the police. Explaining that I want the list of their procedures to be followed in child molestation investigations, wanting to compare it with the treatment my children received in their investigation. Treatment of refusing to interview a child, who, I had reported to them, had told me he was sodomised. A prominent doctor refusing to medically examine this same child for anal scarring. No child psychologist assessed my small children for sexualisation. These police refused to give their child abuse investigation protocol list to me. They made contact with the police officer who initially took my statement regarding the children’s sexual abuse. According to them he replied that he had done everything to secure my children’s safety. They were satisfied and replied they can do nothing if this police officer is happy.
The idea that a man would be sexually attracted or sodomise a toddler was so repugnant that I rather wished I was delusional about my children being molested and kept quarterly appointments with a psychiatrist to find clarity. He related how he contacted the psychiatrist, who had diagnosed me with delusional disorder, a man whom he sometimes work with in the small respected country. He said he asked him to change his diagnosis, but this man did not want to. This psychiatrist I was now seeing appeared to be very concerned with stepping on someone’s toes and did not officially take any stand. Nor did he offer clarity.
I got the impression he was uncomfortable over my mother’s house doctor’s testimony on how my mother had discussed with her, at the time, what she had seen this father do to our eldest child. This psychiatrist would also tell me it does not matter that I see my children for just 2 hours in two weeks? “It is quantity that counts, not quality”, he would say. He asked for an example of what I and my children did during our visits. We did many things, but I gave the example of playing cards. He concluded that one had to be very close to someone to play cards with them!? He also continually said, “We’ll wait until the children can speak?” He spoke of an “elephant gun” that need to be used at the right time? I had enough. I asked him if he understood me if I say he kept painting a silver lining around the clouds. He nonchalantly replied, “Yes, calling shit chocolate.” After three years of listening to trash I was eventually unable to afford his “chocolate” treatment.
I received the divorce order mid 2015. It stated that none of this husband’s “friends”/witness statements made mention of me. That this husband had not given any evidence that I was at fault in the marriage. So we were divorced on equal grounds? It took them four years and having to read about 50 pages of this husband, to reach that non-descriptive conclusion.
It was noted in the order that Immigration refuse to give me a permit to stay in the respected country and without this it is virtually impossible to obtain an income. But, it was believed that this contract chief pilot on an international corporate private aircraft earns $3500 per month, being unable to support his wife financially. A minuscule alimony was ordered. All this husband’s other monetary claims, which included compensation from me for all his “emotional suffering and hardships”, were dismissed.
However the divorce court gave full custody to this father and ordained that I can see my children at the house for “1-2 hours per week” under the supervision of “whomever this father decides” and at “whichever times suit this father”. I asked my advocate to appeal, asking for independent supervision. Any normal person can see that my meagre visitation with my children was now being dragged into a frustrative conflict situation. This father even had issues just “allowing” me to greet my children or for us to speak by phone. How is giving such a hooligan full abusive control, going to ensure fairness and peace?
The court procedure used in this divorce is applicable when one of the parties was at fault for breaking-up the marriage. Having no evidence on me, they still applied this restrictive procedure. I had 40 days after the court order in which to appeal, otherwise it was excepted that I agreed with this order. No such divorce procedure existed under our native country’s marital laws. Even the “marital separation procedure”, which entailed, “get out of the house, you have no rights to your children”, resembled nothing of our native country’s laws applicable to this marriage.
On top of that, no other party obeyed this divorce court order. This father refused to make any arrangements for my and my children’s visitation, although it was totally handed to him. He and his employees abuse us relentlessly to create their torturous impressions with my children – which was that they are not allowed to speak to me at the house. Now, with this order, this father was placed in a position where he is forced to arrange our visitation at the house. It was completely against his game plan and he ignored it.
But, the place where I visit my children under supervision also disregarded this order, saying that the order is from a “lower court”. They demanded that I still see my children at their institution. If I wanted to visit with my children, I was left with no other choice to continue visitation at this institution.
It was the children’s 2015 summer holiday. Although I still visited with my children at the supervisory institution, the children were not staying at the house. They were promptly taken to the nannies’ newly acquired residence in the respected country. This father was on one of his long “work” trips.
During a visit with my children the eldest two were arguing and started kicking each other in the groin. I asked them who had taught them to do that. They said nanny seven. She kicks them like that when they are “naughty”. I informed the supervisory staff and she spoke to the children, who then relayed the same abuse to her.
Nanny seven walked around with a big smile, spoke in a sweet high “ooh ah” voice and made gentle gestures towards the children – when in public. I could hear these nannies and this father screaming horribly at these small children when in the house.
Going to the police with child abuse had proven to be a futile procedure. So I again approached the management and staff child psychologist at the supervision institution. Asking them, again, to please speak to my children and to ask them how they are treated. The manager of the institution replied that she had been told by the staff member, of the children being kicked. Again she said, “You suffer from ‘delusional disorder’, so we don’t need to speak to your children.” The psychologist at the institution kept on promising for months that she will make time in her “very busy schedule” to speak to the children, who, she has heard, are being abused. She replied that this father is not making the children available for her to speak to them. She also added that since he has custody he can do what he wants.
This father returned from wherever he was and the children returned home from the nannies’ rented residence in the respected country. After a few days he packed the car. The children had told me they were going to the family of nannies’ residence in Italy. They left and this father came back to the house within three hours. Without the children and without the packed car.
It was the allowed time for me to speak to my children over a Skype conference call – without video. My middle child also had his birthday in this holiday. I sent an email to this father who sat one floor down in this building. It took me two emails and 6 days before he replied. Then it started again – false excuses of why I cannot speak to my children with “will see”, “might”, etc. This father again had a different personality and different behaviour, after occasionally being allowed video I was again only allowed Skype conference calls without video?
This father stayed at home for about one month, having left for one week in-between. Only then did he go to the children, who were still with his employed nannies. However, being there physically, he did not make a normal direct Skype call for the children’s and my communication. He still made his Skype conference call, without video.
From the nannies’ home he took the children to visit a friend of his in another country. There, this father allowed one direct Skype call, with video, for me and my children. I suspect to create false impressions for his friend’s benefit. “Look I am a kind person, allowing her to speak to her children on Skype with video!” This fried obviously did not know that this father’s main personality was being a lying, vindictive hooligan.
I received a mail notification for a meeting with a police officer of the Youth police in regard to the child abuse case I logged seven months before. The police officer wanted to know if my children had relayed further abuse – I told her of them also being kicked by the father’s employees. My youngest child had told me his father had put his foot on his mouth. Those were his words. I could get no clearer description from the child. The second child had told me one morning when the children left the house for school that his father had kicked him. The police officer seemed to concentrate more on this father than on the nannies. My statement included all of them. This police officer later told me that she cannot locate the nannies, that they are not registered in the respected country, and hence she could not interview the accused. Yes right and the nannies’ employer could locate them? One nanny lived permanently at the house? The other nanny lived in a rented house and drove a car registered in the respected country?
When visiting with my children I asked them if anyone had spoken to them and they said yes, but they did not tell them anything. My mouth fell open in shock and I asked why? They answered, “We are not allowed to speak to the police or we will go and live in another house”. I asked them if they at least told the police that. They replied no. I had repeatedly told them to speak the truth and now reminded them I had asked that. To which they replied their father also tells them to speak the truth! I asked them why they did not then tell of how they are treated. Below the good appearance of “our father also tells us to speak the truth” was the twisted game. They replied he was telling them to speak the truth and then he tells them if they do speak the truth they will be taken away and will have to live in another house.
I realised that I cannot help them if they don’t speak to the police about what happens to them. Nobody can help them if they don’t speak! This father knew this. Previously, while in our native country, this father did not feel he had enough control over the children. That is why he moved them out of reach of the court and police jurisdiction. After several years he now felt he had enough control over them. Now he creates insecurities and threatens them into silence. Stockholm syndrome/traumatic bonding is now also in the mix. He knows, with his previous 4 year police force work experience, that without their voices, the prosecutor’s office will simply say no evidence. No investigation will be made to ensure vulnerable children are safe. Proactive prevention for the crime of child abuse is non-existent. The institutions do measure a child’s safety by the neatness of the child’s hair and saying: This child is not being abused. Lady Justice’s system is so far behind in these crimes against children, they can be said to be aiding and abetting in reckless negligence – making life very easy for child abusers. Who would like to thank them?
I was contacted by my native country’s Embassy. This father had paid them a visit in his process of applying for a passport for one of the children. He also wanted a meeting with the ambassador. Our native country’s regulations stated that my signature is required on the child’s passport application form. This father promised them that he will return the documents with my signature. I received no request for my signature and he did not return to the embassy with the documents. But…two children had already received new passports. The embassy was alarmed. It turned out this father only used the Embassy as a source for documentation. He then illegally sent the incomplete documentation to an acquaintance of his, at our native country’s Home Affairs Office, who processed the applications for him, without my signature. A lot of trouble to ensure I am cut out. I already became aware of his behaviour, after investigating his statement of October 2012 to our native country’s courts. In which he claimed to have no passport and no residence permit for our eldest child. (He had two valid passports for the eldest child.) While he claimed he was forced, (by his conjured-up situation), into avoiding authorities’ jurisdiction? When he took the children and drove with the full knowledge and intent of crossing into another country.
Our native country’s Embassy frowned on my and my children’s abnormal living environment in the respected country. My lack of a resident permit to stay in the respected country was also a concern to them and they ventured into resolving this – unsuccessfully.
The divorce court was fully aware of this situation. This residence permit situation had resulted – to a large degree – in my virtual captivity in the respected country. I continued to receive letters, saying I am illegally in their territory. At the beginning of this ordeal, this father had bought me a flight ticket out of the respected country. Yes, these “good” people would like a mother to completely abandon her children.
I went to see Luxembourg’s organisation for children’s rights. They informed me they believe in equality – if you don’t get an income you do not get custody of your children. I asked her if she was telling me that no housewife in the respected country is allowed her children upon divorce? I received no answer and the other woman in the meeting left the room. I was also informed they can do nothing for my children while the “case” is in court. This was the response from several other humanitarian [help] organisations. I wondered how long my children’s case will be in the respected country’s “silent” Youth court?
I decided to make another appointment with the police officer handling the current abuse case of my children. I attempted to explain to her that my children had not been treated in a manner that safeguarded them. She could not understand me adequately and called in another officer, who was more fluent in English. He proceeded in telling me that if my children were not evaluated in the molestation investigation, then the investigation was not done properly. I explained that that is my complaint. He replied the children were evaluated by a psychologist or else the prosecutor’s office would have raised alarm. I laughed at his naivety, saying his General Advocate of his respected country called me a “witch and satanist” with no proof. Why is he slandering me…? – when I am saying they had neglected and endangered my children! I showed him documentation, proving my claim of the children not having been assessed – documents confirming my children were only able to efficiently speak in our native language. I slowly explained to him that ideally one wants the psychologist who evaluates the child, to be able to communicate with the child. I then asked him how many psychologists there are in his country that speak my children’s native language? The officer was silent. Because there is not even a possibility of an excuse of one. I was advised to write a letter to the Youth Court judge.
I found out that my eldest child had failed his school year. I could do nothing for him. The child also complained that he felt cold, walking to school. I had noticed the children’s jackets, and had wondered if they were water/wind proof and sufficiently warm for the winter. These children walked about 2km to and from school, everyday, in a country with an average of 17 days a month rain or snow in the winter. I bought the children appropriate jackets. Two days later, their father came back from his four week work trip. He walked the children back from school. Both the smaller children’s jacket zips were undone and they were trying to keep their jackets closed with their hands in the cold wind.
Shortly after I heard the garage door opening and caught a glimpse of this father with the two eldest children jogging down the road. He was taking a road that would take a 3 km roundabout to get home. Both children, now ages 7 and 8, were dressed extremely light for the 5 degree drizzle weather. The eldest child was dressed in only a pair of shorts. I only managed to see the middle child when they returned. He was white and had a shocked look on his face. My poor confused children! So much for getting warm jackets to keep them comfortable.
Maybe there is some law, made by abusers, where their victims need to be kept uncomfortable, needy and confused in the abuser’s instigated situations. Manipulating the victim into feeling they have to make an attempt, in their discomfort and fear of punishment, to get the abuser’s approval?
The very next day this father left again. His movements had been abnormal, even for his pilot profession. Since the summer holidays, he was away for about 3-4 weeks returning for 2-7 days.
The eldest and youngest children were wearing their old jackets again. The second child wore his new jacket. Nanny seven was screaming at him, “It is raining!” He ignored her. It was not raining and that jacket was waterproof? Only my God could keep my children sane and normal in all this.
With our next visit I asked the children what was going on. They replied they are not allowed to wear their new jackets I had given them, because it will get dirty. The second child said he ignored them and put on his new jacket. I asked him if they punished him and he said no. I then told the children that they each have two jackets. That they can wear whichever jacket whenever they wanted. The eldest two children, from then on, permanently wore their new jackets and the youngest rotated his jackets.
The Christmas school holidays were approaching. I sent an email to this father for my “holidays only” Skype contact with my children. His no information reply was: “The children and myself will be going away this coming week till after X-mass. I will contact you by e-mail when I know our programme to arrange for you to talk with the children by Skype.”
And his games began. Six days and two emails later I got to speak with my children. His “program” involved visiting a friend of his in the neighbouring country for the holiday period, and keeping the children up late at night with “parties”. The youngest two children got severe flu. Again, only because he was with his friend and needed to create a certain impression, I was allowed normal Skype contact with video. I managed to get 2 phone calls, including having the phone put down on me in the process of asking when I can speak to my children again. After that I received no reply to my email contact requests. He was gone, with the children, for a total of two weeks.
A few days after having retuned, he put the 5 year old child on a bicycle suitable for a 10 year old. He cycled down the street, with the child behind him, wanting to keep up, struggling while swerving in the road, and without safety gear. I knew that child was incapable of doing what his father was expecting of him and that he was endangering this child! I stopped looking, but heard them return shortly after. Their next cycling trip I saw this child, again severely unstable, promptly fall over. This father placed the child back up and swiftly cycled down the street, but this time this 5 year old child cycled only on the sidewalk, not in the street. Again they returned shortly after leaving. He had done the exact same with our two eldest children, giving them bicycles where their feet cannot reach the ground, and then instigated a cycling trip down the street, with him cycling in the front.
I continued to send him emails requesting telephonic contact with my children. The emails went unanswered. I phoned the house. The nanny answered and when I asked to speak to my children, she put down the phone – as is her usual behaviour. Keep in mind this woman is supposedly also a mother. After that, when I rang again, she did not answer the phone anymore, but I could hear it ringing downstairs. After that, I could not hear the phone ringing either. My children told me their father blocked my number.
I received a letter from the Luxembourg’s prosecutor’s office involving the complaint I lodged for the abuse of my children by the father and his nannies. The letter read that no child abuse could be established against the children’s father. No mention is made of the nannies against whom I also made a complaint of child abuse.
No proof of child abuse, but I am listening to my children relaying incidents of physical abuse to me. The eldest child told me how nanny seven has kicked him. My second child told of how his father slapped only him hard on the head, while blaming them all for closing a door? The child spoke of his father being angry frequently with lengthy scolding periods, pointing out “problems”. Although the children indicated to me that the nannies and their father had stopped beating and threatening them for speaking to me outside the house, but I could see their was still something stopping them. I expected change from these abusers. It was similar to their behavioural change with their recording harassment and police calling on me after the eviction appeal hearing. They abuse in one manner as long as they think they can get away with it, then they change to another form of abuse.
I had bought the children camera’s a few years back and the smallest (5 year old) child complained that his camera is broken. He put it by my front door. I found only the batteries are flat. I connected it to my computer to look at the pictures he had taken and was shocked to find pictures of both the eldest two children 8 and 7 naked, posing for pictures with bums in the air and legs open. The pictures were taken in this father’s bedroom downstairs. During a visit I asked the children if anyone has ever taken pictures of them naked. They told me no-one has ever taken a picture of them naked. How odd then that I had these pictures of the eldest two naked and clearly posing in their father’s bedroom? I did not tell them I saw these pictures of them. I explained that there are grown-ups who take pictures of naked small children and then sell the pictures they had taken to other bad people. Without saying anything, the eldest child stood up and walked to a different section of the room.