Addition 6 – Rumours and incidents

This social service worker, under “mother’s point of view” writes:
Well before the marriage the father had explained to the mother that it would be very easy to ruin somebody’s life by lying and gave the example that colleagues had started a rumour that the father like boys. Today the mother is wondering whether that rumour was true.
These are neither my words to her, nor the words this husband used when telling me of his rumour. The social service worker’s insinuative statement and this father’s own statement six months later however correlates. I quote this father’s statement: 
Prior to our marriage I relayed a story to the wife as an example of how a lie can ruin someone’s life.
This father saying to me he is called a pedophile gave ample explanation to the meaning of being said to “prefer little boys”. It gave meaning to this father’s weird “wrestling”, crotch grabbing actions with our three small boys. It gave meaning to a puffy red anus, red stained water around a two year old boy’s excrement, a two year old’s frantic screaming tantrums, a child’s nightmares of a lion or elephant by his bed at night, a father/husband’s obsessive desire for control etc.
This father makes the following statement in our native country’s court. I quote: Pursuant to the wife’s baseless accusations of molestation, the authorities in the respected country instituted criminal investigations against me, which investigations exonerated me.

It cannot be said that there had been a thorough investigation.

1. It is worthwhile to determine if this husband’s word use, consisting of “baseless accusations”, is correct.

1.1. I quote this father’s own statement: 
Prior to our marriage I relayed a story to the wife as an example of how a lie can ruin someone’s life. During or about 1995 and at a work function attended by various of my former colleagues, I was told that people were spreading rumours that I preferred young boys.

1.2. This is a testimony by a friend of this father’s, stating (date of statement 29/08/2012):
 I want to state that approximately 10+years ago my friend(this father) mentioned to me that he had been informed by a third party that people were overheard in a pub stating that he likes young boys — or something to that effect. These people were former colleagues of his. He was taken aback by this and confronted one of both by phone — who either replied that they were joking or denied they actually said this – I cannot remember the details of the response.

1.3. I myself would like to make the following statement: This husband also told me of his rumour. Around 2004 (nine years after he says this rumour was spread) this husband said to me that two guys were saying he prefers little boys. I asked why they would say this and he replied they wanted his job. I asked him where he was working and he gave the name of a country in Africa.
About 7 years later this husband told me my mother called him a pedophile. After having spoken to my mother of the incident she witnessed, I also confronted this husband, asking him the names of the people who had said this and I asked him if he had sued them. He gave the same names as the friend who made the previous statement and replied he did not sue them.

It is clear from the above testimonies that this husband continued spreading a horrid rumour of himself by himself. His action of sharing his rumour was done several years after the date it was initially said?
This father now says he spread this rumour himself as an example of how a lie can ruin someone’s life.
Ruining someone’s life entails: the possibility of never having a financial income; loosing your social standing; loosing friends; loosing family , etc. 
The determining factor in a rumour situation is how many people hear this rumour and to what degree it is believed by those that hear it.
 A good question in a situation like this is: would you want a rumour spread around that could ruin your life? No, normally an interdict is obtained against the people spreading slanderous rumours — to silence them.
 This husband continued telling others. Always with some explanation attached for steering the person he speaks to into immediately believing the rumour is not true and creating the perception of being a victim.

Another pedophile, Jimmy Savile, had a similar rumour for 40 years.  Jimmy Savile, unveiled October 2012 as the biggest pedophile in the history of Britain,  was said to “prefer little girls”.  His rumour was true. If this father and Savile had met, would the conversation look like this?  This father: “People say I prefer little boys.” Savile: “People say I prefer little girls. Such comfort – we can identify our pedophilia cronies without the risk of incriminating ourselves?”

2. The next announcement of this father was end 2011 when he told me my mother had called him a pedophile in February 2009.
I quote extracts from two of this father’s court statements:

- Furthermore, during or about February 2009 my mother-in-law insinuated to me that I was molesting my children…

- During or about November 2011, the wife and I invited our pastor to dinner to address our deteriorating marriage relationship. I also relayed (in this meeting) an incident during or about February 2009, when the mother-in-law insinuated that I had molested my eldest child. (In the previous statement he said “molesting my children”.)

2.1. I quote the mother-in-law’s statement:

The mother was out. The eldest child was sleeping on the bed in the next room. I was feeding the second child banana in my room and wanted to ask this father, who I heard entering this room, about some matter. I went to the next door bedroom. On approaching the doorway I saw this father lying on his side on the bed, with his back to the door, next to the eldest child. This father did not hear me approaching. The eldest child was lying on his back. To me it looked like he was sleeping. This father’s right hand fingers were up to his knuckles inside the eldest child’s nappy. 
I asked this father what is he doing? I was shocked and it felt surreal. I walked out of the bedroom and stood in the sitting room. This father followed me. I grabbed his hand and said urgently, “You know what I suspected. Is it true?” He kept hold of my hands and said, “No mom, he pinched me and I pinched him back,”…

2.2. This father’s version in his court statement of this incident is as follows:

– The wife and the second child were out for a moment and I was trying to put the eldest child down for his afternoon nap.

- The grandmother walked into the room just as I had jokingly pinching the eldest’s child’s bum; he having pinched my nose.

- She having stormed out of the bedroom, I followed my mother-in-law to the living room where she insinuated that I had molested the eldest child. I denied her insinuations in the strongest terms.

The impression he creates, is that his intention was trying to get the child to sleep. Doing this, according to him, by “pinching the bum” of a two year old boy. My mother reports that this child was lying on his back, this father’s hand was in the front and she got the impression the two year old was asleep.
There is also an unexplained gap in his strange story. He says the grandmother walked into the room… and stormed out. This gap does not explain why he left the child and followed this “silent” mother-in-law; with nothing, according to him, having being done by him or said by her?

This incident is briefly mentioned in the social service worker’s report:
The mother claims that her mother had seen the father had his hand in one of the boy’s nappies.
And according to the social service worker this father said and I quote: The father said that the role his mother-in-law plays in this situation is not negligible. In fact the mother-in-law claimed that she saw the father with his hand in the eldest child’s nappy, since which time she considered the father to be a pedophile.

2.3. My mother discussed the incident shortly after with her house doctor. Her statement:

My patient told me 27 February 2009 during a consultation that she caught her son in law with his hand in her grandson’s front part of his nappy.
It happened in her flat. Her son in law and grandson were lying on a bed. She was still very upset when she told me, even though her son in law tried to convince her that nothing was wrong.

2.4. This husband, now, claims my mother was not kind to him during our years of marriage. I quote this father:

- The fact that I sponsor her financially to visit her daughter and her grandchildren does not seem to curb her unadulterated mistrust and hatred for me.

- During my mother-in-laws three month visit in March 2010 the wife’s mother provoked me to such an extent that I put my foot down and I refused to extend any further visiting invitations to my mother-in-law.

- She has a nasty habit of attacking me in my own home, threatening me that she will take away my wife and children, she criticises me unreasonably and generally seeks to undercut me in my own home.

I have never witnessed my mother being unreasonable with this husband. On the contrary when I, over the years, tried explaining my marital situation to her she would say this husband takes care of me very well and I just have too much hay on my fork.
 However, her opinion of him changed after she witnessed this husband’s emotionally abusive behaviour towards me during her visit with the third child’s birth March 2010. After a confrontation ensued, in which my mother pointed out his bullish behaviour to him, this husband could not curb his hatred towards her and forbade her the house.
Since our marriage, this husband phoned my mother average every two months until March 2010. After she witnessed his inappropriate and abusive behaviour and confronted him about it, his phone calls to her abruptly ended. These calls involved him telling stories about me and complaining about me. 
This father said he sponsored his mother-in-law financially with all her visits. He did up to beginning 2010 and she was very grateful and thought him to be very generous and kind and even repaid him some.

This father’s word use, in all his statements on this incident in 2009, is “my mother-in-law insinuated to me that I was molesting my children”. 
But during the meeting with the pastor this husband did not say my mother insinuated. His exact word use was “your mother called me a pedophile”. I suspect he partly did this on purpose to upset me. My problem is there was in fact a suspicious incident.

This husband now claims his mother-in-law has threatened to take away his wife and children. But her actions prove she showed concern for his marriage and arranged marriage counselling for us with our consent.
I quote an extract from the testimony of the marriage counsellor:

I hereby declare having been contacted by telephone in 2010 by the mother-in-law who was very concerned about her daughter and her son-in-laws relationship. She was here on holiday and had suggested they get marriage counselling. She contacted me for an appointment. I met the couple in March 2010…

I observed a violent outburst in my office when this father left the session in a rage…, etc.

2.5. Neither this father nor my mother informed me at the time of this incident that took place in February 2009. The first I heard of it was from this husband three years later in the meeting with the pastor around end November 2011.
The social service worker states this incident as such and I quote: In November 2011, supported by her own mother, she(the wife) said that she realised her situation was unhappy. This is not a reference to our marriage counselling March 2010. This “situation” by this social service worker, is this husband unexplainably telling me during the meeting with the pastor, “Your mother called me a pedophile.” This social service worker uses the word “situation” to describe incomprehensible actions of this husband. This word “situation” in her report is used to describe another confusing action of this husband — when this husband claimed he approached an organisation for support of abused children, for support and help for himself as an adult. According to the social service report this organisation states: This father’s request was finding out how he could change the situation. This same “child abuse institution”, refused to investigate/evaluate children for sexual abuse? The doctor who refused to medically examine my second child is also the founder of this organisation.

This husband’s reason, in court, for his delay in not telling me of this incident in beginning 2009 is, and I quote him: I took great exception against the insinuations, but never told the wife thereof previously, as I did not wish to create further tension in the already tenuous relationship between her and her mother. 

His character is revealing it in a meeting, aimed at discussing our “deteriorating marriage relationship”? I would not have been angry at my mother. It was not her hand in my sleeping child’s diaper. I was angry at her for not informing me of this sooner. Would knowing about this incident have made me more attentive to this husband’s behaviour and the children’s symptoms? Yes.

I quote this “I am called a pedophile” father/husband who says he does not “wish to create tension”:

- During my mother-in-laws three month visit in March 2010 the wife’s mother provoked me to such an extent that I put my foot down and I refused to extend any further visiting invitations to my mother-in-law.

- Just to spite me, my mother-in-law did visit the respected country during January 2011, without my consent.
(She visited her daughter and her grandchildren living in the respected country. I extended her an invitation and planned it for when this husband was away from home for 5 weeks on his own schedule.)

- I advised the wife and her mother that I would obtain a court order if necessary to prevent my mother-in-law from entering my home again.

This husband never phoned or spoke to my mother between the period of April 2010 and 10 June 2012. However the social worker in her report May 2012, with no tangible reason, manages to state under stress factors for this “I am called a pedophile” father, I quote her: provocation by the mother and the mother-in-law;

After this husband’s divulgence of this incident in my mother’s apartment, his manner of dealing with my enquiries and concern was harassing, plaguing, threats and pressure. I quote him:

- On the advice of my lawyers, I did take photographs of the children, the cigarettes in the wife’s bag and in the dustbin, rotting food in the house, the general unkept state of the home.

- I also have pictures of the stove plates that the wife (or children) forgot to switch off.

- I admit that I have threatened with legal action against the wife and her mother for falsely accusing me of molestation.

- With the wife’s constant accusations of molestation against me and her increasingly irrational and unreasonable behaviour, I was advised by my lawyers in the respected country to obtain evidence of such behaviour. This I did by taking photographs and making recordings when the wife was acting out.

- I found an empty cigarette packet in the trashcan in my room. The boys use this trashcan to throw their dirty diapers in!

- Also ‘sway’ a full packet of cigarettes in her handbag, which she carries around.

Added actions of this husband are:

– He took pictures of everything and made recordings of every conversation we had. I suspect that he cut and pasted conversations, because he tried to goad me into voicing the word pedophile.
– He invaded my privacy, which included reading my emails, going through my belongings, removing things like house entry devices and taking pictures of my private belongings. And according to a friend’s testimony this husband told her he obtained the help of an ex colleague of his to monitor all my mobile and phone conversations.
– He started a “diary”. If you asked him to give you his yearly personal diary, summarising the events of his day, he would not be able to.
– He became secretive. He had sole access to the apartment, after having taken the keys from me. He did not tell me of his movements, saying it had nothing to do with me. When at home, he stayed mostly in his bedroom, exiting mainly to eat, or to goad and criticise me.
– He started controlling me financially and forced me to lower my credit card limit, with threats of withdrawing himself financially from us.
– He orally attacked me for the smallest of incidents or mistakes. This he also did during our marriage, but he increased these attacks — he did this in front of our children – openly saying he wants to get rid of me.
– He also orally attacked me for starting to question and change his excessive control that he wanted me to enforce on the children. I gave the children more freedom against his wishes. For example, allowing them to eat while watching television.

This husband’s advocate openly admits in court having advised this husband to harass and provoke his shocked and upset wife. Acting as if, saying “she is mentally unstable”, is now an excuse for harassment which is a criminal offence. It is obvious that this husband had no problems morally to behave in this manner.

Another observation is: This husband started with harassing, oppressive and abusive actions straight after the meeting with the pastor. This is four months before I approached the police. However, this husband says in his court statements, and I quote: I made contact with various attorneys in an attempt to obtain assistance. However, when the wife laid criminal charges, I was left in the lurch. I eventually obtained the services of these advocates…

On whose advice did he do his previous 3 months harassment, being left in the lurch?

3.  On 27 March 2012 my eldest child told me his father makes “food” from his penis and puts it in his mouth. The second child, directly after his brother, said that his father puts the “food” in his bum. Later they said this father’s father and youngest brother do the same. This father takes them to a place they call the “zoo”. They said he took them there when this father told me he is taking them to the bank. They said they did not go to a bank, but to this place. There are several rooms at this “zoo”. The youngest go to a room “where the animals don’t bite”. The second child goes to a room “where the animals bite”. Their father leaves them alone in between people. The eldest said he tries to hide between parked cars. They come looking for him. The people scream “bloody” when they try to run away (the children screamed this in the respected country’s accent with deep voices). The people are not dressed like animals — but they “bite”. The eldest child named a neighbour that has stayed with him between the people, while he says his father is busy with “ugly things”. There are men, women and other children, etc.
This father took them to the “zoo” by train. The closest animal park cannot be reached by train. The closest zoo also cannot be reached by train and is about 70 kilometres from us.

The following is the social worker’s only comments on the above information:

- The mother does not for one-second doubt the truth of her young children’s words.

- The mother is convinced of the truth of her children’s words and has not doubt about what her sons say.
My children’s words this social service worker did not care to repeat in her report.

After making so many intentionally false statements this husband has the audacity to downplay and make the following minimising repetitive statements throughout his native country’s court documents:
– The wife, being obsessed by her view that I molest the children, naturally seeks to find confirmation of her suspicions in the most mundane and innocent events and gestures.
– I genuinely fear that the wife, being so obsessed by her suspicions that I molest the children, are in fact indoctrinating the children and placing words in their mouths.
– I submit that the wife, in view of her obsession in regards my molesting the children, sees “evidence” of such alleged molestation everywhere.
– I submit it is clear that the wife will not cease her irrational, unfounded and malicious allegations. The social service report, as well as the report of the psychologist clearly confirms the wife’s obsessions in regards her allegations of molestation.
– As is set out hereinbefore, it is relatively recently that the wife has adopted the obsession that I in fact molest our children and subject them to pedophiles.

– Inasmuch as I am unaware of “the place” the wife refers to, and further that I deny that I have ever molested my children and/or subjected them to a ring of pedophiles, as alleged by the wife, I have no doubt that the wife’s scare mongering, coupled with the boys’ vivid imaginations, may lead to the boys telling fanciful stories.
– The incident referred to herein, is a figment of the wife’s imagination.
– All three boys, but more so the eldest two children, have very vivid imaginations. They love animals and fondly remember a visit to the zoo quite some time ago.
– I refer, however, to what is set out hereinbefore in relation to the children’s vivid imaginations and the wife’s scare mongering.
– I refer to what is set out hereinbefore in relation to all three children’s imaginations and the wife’s scare mongering.
– I deny that any such conversation related herein ever took place between the wife and me. It is a figment of her imagination.
– I refer to what is set out hereinbefore in relation to the wife’s scare mongering and the children’s vivid imaginations.
– These allegations are figments of the wife’s imagination. I deny them.

Would “imagination” or “obsession” explain the following:
This husband indoctrinating our native country’s court into believing he had already been on trial for child molestation in the respected country’s court.
Respected country’s authorities lying about the children’s language capabilities. Lying saying the children received play therapy in the respected country’s “molestation investigation”. Giving this father unheard of privileges e.g. driving over his child in reckless negligence, helping and allowing him to further physically and emotionally abuse his children.  
Condoning him taking these children across the border into a neighbouring country, out of jurisdiction of our native country’s court and police, who wanted to have professional assessments done in their investigations of molestation.

The above is not the only lies and false impressions this husband creates. 
After I heard the children say that this father’s father and his youngest brother do the same, I took a long shot, asking this father if his whole family is involved. I wanted to see this father’s response. Without answering my question, his response was saying threateningly he is recording me. To which I said he can record. Later, that same evening I overheard him in his room, saying in our native language, “She knows. The children told her.”
This father in his diary, in April 2012, to the respected country’s court wrote:

I also made four voice recordings to which the wife consented. On these recordings she accuses my whole family of being involved in molestation and also my grandfather who had passed away long ago.
Five months later this husband’s advocate, in our native country’s court, made the following statement on this same topic: 
28 August 2012 – I am further instructed that at no stage, prior to service of the present application, has the wife made any allegations of molestation against the children’s grandparents and/or uncle.

4. As I have said before, in the social service worker’s report in the respected country, there is no mention of my children’s words, “Daddy makes ‘food’ from his penis,” etc.
 What is said is under Parents point of view: Mother 
- During the “wrestling” games, the father always tickled the children in the crotch. He pinched their thighs. When he pinned them down the children laughed and also cried for their mother to come to help them. The mother does not think that this was play activity.
These “wrestling” activities of this husband is described in detail in chapter 5 . 
I did not like the rendering helpless, physically hurting, invasive actions that included manipulation by calling it “play activity”. I do not think an adult or parent should “play” with, or around, a child’s private areas. I certainly never had this desire. I have since found out that these “play activities” that involves an adult touching in/or around a child’s private areas are called “grooming” in pedophiliac terms.
 Groping a person’s private area without consent, is considered a felony and sexual assault. Groping a child, including your own for purposes other than sanitary/medical, compares to sexually assaulting a disabled person. This social service worker says she is a psychologist. She should be aware of the fact that there are boundaries involving physical contact, also with easily indoctrinated small children.

At one point the mother witnessed her two older children touching each other’s sexual organs. When asked whether she considered that it would be normal for children of a young age to have masturbatory behaviour, the mother confirmed that her boys did not masturbate.
I witnessed my two older children had dragged a large pouf cushion away from its normal place and out of sight of the stairs. They had taken off all their clothes. The smaller of the two children was lying down wriggling his body, and touching the eldest child who was sitting upright with his legs open, on his penis. When I told them what they are doing is wrong the eldest child (then age 4 years) asked, “It is?” And the younger child (then age 3 years) replied, “I like it.” Their response indicated to me that this behaviour is not a once off occurrence for them, but I had not seen it before.
This father comments on this incident as such: 
Mindful of the children’s ages, it does not surprise me entirely that the boys would play with each other and themselves and discover sexual gratification.
This “people call me a pedophile” father finds it normal that toddlers/minors (two boys) discover homosexual gratification together. His word use of, “would play” – once again these actions do not fall in the category of “play activity” for a child.

Here is this father’s other chosen words again: Pursuant to the wife’s ‘baseless accusations’ of molestation….

There definitely is this husband’s rumour of preferring boys; there is also a very questionable, witnessed, inappropriate touching incident involving this husband and a little boy; their is inappropriate touching incidents during “wrestling” games; there is behaviour of these small boys indicating sexualization, my children’s words were very clear involving this father’s actions; their word’s involving a “zoo” that they are taken too, does not correlate with a normal zoo. Sticking out like a sore thumb is the authorities and this husband’s falseness, their abnormal reactions, their avoidance of a thorough investigation, their trivial and misleading accusations towards me – directing attention away from child molestation.

The social service worker says: The mother appears to have lost touch with reality and is impervious to say critical thought with regard to the allegations of sexual abuse. 
It is my responsibility as a mother to be critical where it concerns my children’s welfare and safety. A few “in touch” realities: There are no locks on the doors she said I used to lock my children in at night. She was also not in my house at night. There was no school that afternoon she said a child had school and she had spoken to a teacher.  A pizza cannot be “cut into a thousand pieces” or be “massacred”. She is not a witness to any of her false statements and accusations. One cannot in fact witness “missing hamsters” in the air as mentioned by her. She was not employed to write a report on pet hamsters. She omits her own inappropriate behaviour during her visit, in her report.

And boundaries need to be set on reckless, endless space for uncritical thought on sexual child abuse. It emotionally, mentally and physically endangers the weakest in society.