Chapter 2 – The Courtship

The first time I met this husband, he gallantly kissed my hand. It was his pseudo persona that was honed to perfection.

We started dating while I was doing my degree and meddling with inventions. The only downside I could find in this relationship was that it was a long distance relationship. We lived on different continents, but we flew back and forth, visiting with each other.

Before we got married, this man showed care, compassion and had a playful composure. We went for long walks, holding hands. We walked in the woods while it snowed. We met at coffee shops. We watched TV on the couch and went to the movies. We cooked together and cleaned up together. He regularly cleaned his house. He had a relaxed composure. I smoked and he complained about it, but still dated me. We talked for hours on Skype.

He was friendly, considerate, giving, gallant and had a sense of humour. We went sightseeing, holidaying together and scuba diving together. He was relaxed, made jokes, laughed and smiled. He created the impression of being an honest man, who likes the truth and cared for other people and loved life. He regularly spoke of people that had lied to him and how wrong it was to lie. His numerous friends, of different walks of life, spoke highly of him. Giving me the impression that he is a charming, honest, caring, loving person, who is trustworthy and likeable. I loved this man. Who wouldn’t?

He visited the parents of a deceased friends and kept contact with the one friend’s widow and children. His many friends kept on saying: How kind… How considerate… dependable…generous. He told me how he sponsored a friend’s wedding. Friends of his told me how they will put their lives in his hands. How he stood by them when most people left. Yes, I got the impression that I was a lucky woman, because this nice man chose to date me.

Friends said they knew he was not going to marry his previous girlfriend. She was wrong for him. Even he said he was so unhappy when he dated her. She wanted to live the high life and only used him. He said: She only fought with him. She told him he had a split personality. She called him a snob. She played on his good nature to solicit money from him. She wrote to her ex-boyfriend that his one brother was homosexual and this ex-boyfriend then spread this rumour.
She sounded such a horrid person. I felt sorry for him. His ex-girlfriend was not the only person to have victimised him. His first big love had an affair with his nephew in the very same house they all shared. He said she gave the reason as feeling neglected because of him not giving enough attention to her. At that stage his attention giving seemed fine to me. I thought, this poor guy! How could such things happen to such a nice, kind, decent and honest person?

He asked me to take papers to the Revenue service. He said someone stole from him, done him in, and avoided taxation. He said he felt obligated to stop these dishonest people.

He painted a background of himself as somebody that succeeded against the odds. His parents paid for his other siblings’ studies. Nobody helped him.He painted a portrait of being victimised by most of the people he worked for.
There was the superior in the defence force that did not want him to fly a certain helicopter and he was forced to leave. This superior pulled strings, so he could not get into airways. Business partners took over contracts that he concluded and worked him out.
He found a position flying the personal plane of a rich, international businessman. Several people were against him at this employer. Even his secretary went behind his back and told a story of something he had told her confidentially and thus he refused to speak to her ever again. However, he was nice enough and sent her a Christmas card each year. The main lawyer of this company was such a deceitful person that he just did not get along with him. Someone had to leave this company and it was either him or the lawyer. His contract was not renewed, but he knew why. This lawyer was doing the dirty work for the boss. Someone had to do it and since he is such an honest man, it cannot be him.
These kinds of stories went on seemingly endlessly. He mostly did corporate contract work and someone always did him in. Everyone always wanted his job. They wanted the maintenance contract for the aircraft he was managing and to work him out. He sent me email correspondence, he said, so I can see the lies being told to discredit him. The emails depicted a man that slept while piloting an aircraft. A man who bickered for the smallest of discounts from the hotels to the fuel of the plane. A man that changed from being friendly, joking and relaxed to angry, impatient and aggressive. A man who wanted the air hostess to serve and socialise with him. When she refused, he pushed for her to be fired. A man who disregarded aviation safety rules and made his crew feel uncomfortable and unsafe. A man who did not take care of his subordinates’ personal needs and displayed degrading behaviour towards them.
I read the correspondence and thought: Look at how these nasty people are trying to discredit this nice, hard working man.

I fell pregnant. This man was very happy and wanted to get married. I had a miscarriage, but we were getting married anyway.

He postponed the wedding date three times, because of commitments at the employer (where the people were “trying to discredit” him). This made it impossible to make any real plans or book the venue. The third time he postponed, I ended our relationship. He phoned back the next day, saying he cannot live without me and was getting the next available flight for us to get married. I forgave him.
I had wanted an intimate, romantic wedding at a rose garden venue, but compromised. I booked an outdoor venue for the evening, with only our close family attending. The wedding took place early 2006.