Addition 7 – Always contact with his children

This husband starts off his diary to the respected country’s court by creating the impression that I made his contact with his children, while he was away for work, difficult. But to create this impression, this father needed to lie. I quote from this father’s diary:

I called my home from abroad and could not get any reply, nor on my wife’s cell phone.
The next day in the afternoon I got hold of my family! My wife and the children had gone and slept in a Youth Hostel for the night. Her reason was that our middle child did not want to sleep in the house, as he was scared of a fire!
Question is why she did not contact me and inform me? So I know and could have peace of mind!
I am not consulted in any of the actions, and or decisions being taken or done. She does everything by herself and on own decision with informing me or consulting with me! (This confusing statement is as he had said it.)

This father says he called his home that night. But he did not. The night of 16 March 2012 this father was not reachable on any of his contact numbers or Skype. My conclusion at the time was that this father was working. There were also no incoming missed calls from anyone. That night my children were scared and I made a decision that would calm everyone, without hurting anyone or ignoring anyone. Rationally thinking there should not be a problem with this decision.
The Skype record shows two missed calls from this husband the next morning 17.3.2012 at 9:42 & 10:30. I phoned him back at 2:24PM, after things had settled down with the children.

This husband was completely uninformed that night, did not wonder where we were and did have “peace of mind”. It was not uncommon for this father not to make contact for a day or two when he was away on his trips.

The next diary insert is on 18 May 2012 and I quote this husband: (eldest son’s Birthday) I called home and requested them to go on Skype. My wife immediately told me that she could not talk now as she is busy preparing supper and the children are in the bath! And that I should call later. I asked her that it would be better if they called me as I would wait and stay on Skype. Her reply to me was that if she will remember, as the boys have to go to bed early!

This is where this diary entry stops. No further information is given and the reason for this is:
The Skype record on 18.3.2012 shows that I did call this father back, three times, after his call to me at 6:44 PM. This father omits this on purpose, since it does not fit into the picture he is creating.
The Skype record for the same day also shows that, for the eldest son’s birthday, I made a conference call with this father and his family on the farm at 1:35 PM. At 2:06 PM there is another call to this father with the duration of 36 minutes, as well as two calls he did not pick up at 4:37 PM. This information is also omitted from his diary. This father’s next diary insert is 24 March 2012 and I quote him: I called home on Skype on 24 March 2012 after arriving at my destination at around 17h10. My wife did not answer the telephone but sent a message on Skype that the children are still sleeping and that they will call when the children are awake. THEY DID NOT CALL BACK AT ALL.

The capital letters are as he had written it.
I did miss this father’s call. But there is no record on Skype of a message sent to him, on this date, that I will call, but did not call, as this father states.

The following is the next diary entry. I quote him: On March 25 I called at around 09h00 on the home phone, as it was the youngest child’s birthday. I asked that they please go on Skype. She told me that she does not really have any time as she has to prepare for church. I requested that she goes on Skype briefly so I could talk with the children. I called on Skype and she did not have the camera switched on. I asked her to switch it on and she replied that they are busy looking at photographs and could not have the camera on. Having the camera on does not affect you watching photographs!!!
I requested they call me back after they are finished watching photographs. I do not understand such behaviour? The wife does not have time as she has to prepare for Church? She has time to watch photographs? So whom am I the father who wants to wish his youngest son Happy Birthday?
They did not call back so I called just before they left for Church. She made a lot of noise with the pots and pans (Kitchen utensils) in the back ground so I had great difficulty to hear what the children were saying!
SUMMARY: Discipline: When talking on a telephone or by Skype Silence is required. This should be taught as an example to the children. If you as parent does not set the example the children will also not have any respect for silence when talking by telephone or Skype!

The Skype record 25.3.2012 shows:
This father phoned, the first call 9:02 AM duration 1:28. The second call 9:24 AM duration 0.00. This means there was no conversation at all. No camera not switched on, no wife and children looking at pictures when having to prepare for church, etc.
This husband continues and says, “They did not call back so I called just before they left for church.” The Skype record does not show a call from this father just before we left for church.
What it does show is that I phoned this father, three times, just before leaving for church: 9:59 on his cellular (because he was not Skype online) duration 24 seconds; 10:00 AM again, but the call did not go through; another attempt at 10:00 AM for the duration of 7 minutes.
The Skype record for 25 March 2012 shows the following message sent from me to him at 6:02 PM – the children are still sleeping, busy tidying, will phone when awake. This must be the message he is referring to in this diary insert: I called home on Skype on 24 March 2012… My wife did not answer the telephone but sent a message on Skype that the children are still sleeping and that they will call when the children are awake. THEY DID NOT CALL BACK AT ALL.
The Skype record 25 March 2012 shows that I did phone this father back; 6:30 PM duration 1.36min; 8:40 PM duration 17min.

This husband was not done with his games. On top of wanting to create the impression that I had made his long distance contact with his children difficult, he also wanted to create the impression that I had physically withheld him from his children when he was at home.
This father makes the following statements in our native country’s court: She would prevent as far as possible that I have any physical contact with my boys-such as bathing them, playing with them and hugging them. My wife is doing her best to intimidate and get the boys against me.

The social service worker in her report states the following:
Obsessed by the fixed idea that the father was abusing his children she prohibited any physical contact between the father and his children…This father explained that he was afraid that the children would be manipulated and set against him.
Each time the children approached their father, therefore the mother watched each gesture and intervened when there was any physical contact. This father does not see how to get out of this situation which is very oppressive for him and his children.
This wife does not want the father to play “wrestling” with the boys, she does not want him near them.
In our native country’s court, after this father had tortured me and my children in doing his best to keep us apart, he says: Further to this she tries at her upmost best to get and create a division between the children and me.

This husband in his diary and statements in courts, counters himself and the social
service worker in stating his activities with the children, I quote him:

– The children and I play often. We also enjoy cycling together.
– The boys and I wrestle often as it is one of their favourite games.
– Greeted the boys and said Hullo to my wife and her visitor.
– I played with the boys while they talked.
– Went outside to play ball with the boys and had a good time.
– I helped the children get ready and we said supper prayer.
– Eldest son came up to my bedroom and gave me a hug to say good morning.
– I spent the afternoon with my sons at the neighbour’s house down the road who has 3 girls nearly the same age as the boys.
– After supper the boys wants to wrestle with me. We have lots of fun and after which they go down to bath.
– Our wrestling game involves me gripping the boys between my legs or holding onto their arms and legs, rolling around on the floor and tickling them.
– After they had finished bathing I went down to say good night to them.
– Decided to take the children swimming at the swimming pool.
– At the swimming pool the boys and me had a great time and we had lots of fun.
– Went down to say good morning to the children.
– The 2 eldest boys saw me walking ahead and started running to join me.
– After church I played with the children in the open field behind our house. And we had fun together.
– The eldest son came up to my room to say good morning and also requested that we call my youngest brother again. (This is possibly because the night before he did not finish talking with my youngest brother)

– Eldest son came up to my room after his afternoon sleep and asked again if we could call to my youngest brother, as he did not talk with him in the morning. We called on Skype speakerphone.
– Children and the wife started having Pizza for supper in front of a DVD on the iMac computer sitting on a big cushion. The boys asked me to join them, which I did.
– Diary 09/04.12 6.1: +-20h30 I sat at the dining room table with boys showing them how a gyroscope worked.
– On the way back I stopped to look for a present/toy with which I could play with together with my boys.
– She did not allow this and said I could read them a story but that she would read them a bible story and say bedtime prayers.
– I got up said good night to the boys and left to make me tea and unpack my suitcase in my room!
– I walked back into the house to where the youngest son was in the kitchen and started playing with him. My wife also came back into the house and started getting busy in the kitchen preparing supper.
– Social service report: Since the Easter holidays the minor has been having genuine fits at school when separating from his mother. When the father brings the child to school, there is no concern.
– Having bathed, the smallest child came up to me in the kitchen and indicated that he wanted to play our wrestling game. This he did by lying on his back on the kitchen floor at my feet. This child and I did play.
– Our wrestling game involves me gripping the boys between my legs or holding onto their arms and legs, rolling around on the floor and tickling them.
– Social service report: The father has never visited the teacher until the end of the Easter Holiday (school started 16 April 2012), since which time he has been in regular contact with the teacher.
– The youngest child came into the bedroom to say good morning
– He got onto the bed and came to sit next to me pointing to the laptop.
– On or about Saturday 21 April 2012, the wife and I decided to visit people. I loaded the eldest two children into my bicycle trailer and the wife carried the smallest child in his bicycle seat on her bicycle.

These above statements are from this father himself. It does not create the impression that he was prevented or prohibited any respectable physical contact with his children. As he himself states, he continued to have fun.
I did try to stay with the children and not to leave them alone with him. He was aware of this and lured the children on every available occasion to be alone with him. He disregarded my feelings and anxiety and recorded when he managed to upset me.
Social service worker: …she is trying to protect her progeny by making all three of them sleep in her room.
The smallest child always slept in his cot in my room. I told the second child to sleep in my room, after I found him on the way up the stairs in the middle of the night. When I asked him where he is going he replied “he likes it”. This is also what he said when I found the eldest two children naked and touching private parts. The eldest the following night wanted to sleep in my room. Following this, this husband started luring the children to sleep in his bedroom at bedtime and then recorded my reaction.
This social service worker says:
The smallest child had jam on his face and had a runny nose. The father explained that he no longer had the right to touch his son or be involved in such things.
This father quotes this social service worker in his statements to our native country’s court, saying:
The wife, refusing that I touch the children, do not clean them adequately; allowing them to run around with faces smeared with jam and mucus.
But this same father, in his diary to the respected country’s court, states:
I helped the children get ready and we said supper prayer. Got a wet cloth so they could wipe their hands and faces and we started eating.
From this statement of this husband, he was clearly capable and had the right to be involved in wiping the hands and faces of his children.

The social service worker and this father created a false impression and used lies in court of me apparently forbidding contact between this father and his children. These same people have thought out unthinkable, torturous set-ups for any contact between me and my children. This is now claimed to be in the children’s best interest.

Theoretically speaking I had valid reason, after he said he is called a pedophile, in the interest of the children, to oversee and monitor his behaviour with the children. I actually feel I should have acted more on it.